An extraterrestrial called back to the mothership... I love that, thanks for the laugh.

I have read the love language book and H was receiving gifts and Affirmation. Since I love to shop I was always picking up items for him throught the years. Sometimes just a new shirt or shorts, sometimes a nice watch etc etc. Of course now he has said that I have done nothing thoughtful for him over our entire M. The Affirmation, well, I guess that waned off over the years of going through the routine of life. After reading the book and taking the test, I did use affirmation with him as much as I could. Of couse this was already in the heat of the A over the summer, so who knows if he answered the question on his love laungage clearly. I have always complimented him about how he looks, certain shirts he wore would really bring out his blue eyes and I would always let him know that. Before he became BD H, his eyes were a beatiful blue, how he could ever doubt
my love for him is completly beyound me.

I haven't seen him since he left, but pics on FB he looks old and tired and has put on some weight. He used to eat healthy and take care of himself, but he looks like hes gain 20 to 30 pounds. Not much time to go for walks or make a salad when you rush home to the love pad, and run out the door to the bar right away. He has high blood pressure, drinking makes is worse, so I worry about his health. Like OW is gonna be there for him if some major health issues come up.

The OW is a predator, she has a type...her last two were very simular to my H, and others she has gone after before H all fit a type. But yes, he was searching before her. As for a naricissit, yes I can see some traits in him, but by no means is she making him look good. She is a huge step down from my. (Not to brag, but I am still dam cute for 52, plus the 25 plus pounds I am down now helps). I may not beable to bowl and golf anymore, but I am still fun. Just not new and shinny.

Just feeling bad this morning, nervous about seeing him tomorrow, if he doesn't cancel. I am so sick of the pain, crying, overthinking, the hoping, and wishing, this whole sitch. Like I am walking around in my worst nightmare. I know my expectations of his visit tomorrow are completly unrealistic... he will see me see the boys and confess his undieing love for me and our life.. Tell me how much he screwed up, how much he misses me misses us.. I know pathetic...

And lets say this acutual happens(which it won't) then what. I could not let him just come home then. He has issues, and big problems he needs to face, he needs professional help. He needs time alone in his own place, needs to get rid of OW. The road is there, but it is completly drifted over right now and white out driving conditions.

I always beleived that the love we had was stronger than this, that it was special, that we would never never be in this sitch. That we were different, well thats shot to He11 isn't it. Took all my believes and just blew them up.