[/quote]Most of them do rewrite history. They have to find an excuse for why they are leaving.
Your H was a perfect setup for MLC - deaths in the family, approaching 50, infatuation is a great temporary anti-depressant (and alcohol and drugs temporarily soothe the pain).
It’s possible your H could be one of the ones that snap out of it, especially if life with the OW doesn’t live up to the hype. Other possibilities include:
[quote] Maybe he married you to try to be a better person and he couldn't keep it up anymore
This is sometimes true. They can tire of the effort of being a good person and being with someone who is a good person holds up a mirror to them.
He could be just a victim of a predatory woman - but the evidence of him searching for other women online argues against that.
He could be a narcissist - they value you as long as you make them look good. If you could no longer golf and do those other things with him because of your back injury, a narcissist might find you have lost your value to him. Or someone just terrified of aging might run from signs that their partner is aging.
He might be a “sociopath next door” as the book of that title says. My sister was married to one - seemed all lovey dicey, took up my sister’s interests, etc. Found out later he’d give her long lovey goodbyes in the morning, then bitch to his carpool mate about her all the way to work. He sure was good at wearing a mask but turned out to be a sociopath and his post divorce life is confirmation.
He could just be a chronic alcoholic slipping into more severe alcoholism after the deaths in his family.
He could be an extraterrestrial who has been called back to the mothership!
Trying to read his mind at this point is a futile exercise - focus on you.
But one thing you might want to do is read The Five Love Languages by Chapman. The episode he recalls, while certainly NOT the reason he left, suggests that there might be a disconnect between your love languages. Figuring his out could be helpful - if he’s a Words of Affirmation guy, who was doing acts of service to get those words, and that’s not how you express yourself, it might behoove you to find ways to offer him words of affirmation . Tough to do without looking clinging, but simple things like “nice shirt” or “that color looks good on you” can be snuck in here and there without looking too needy.
