Where to start with WAS

[Traveler]

I think there are some people you just can't please and my wife is one of them. I sacrificed and compromised a lot for her in the marriage, but she could never reciprocate and was unwilling to fulfill my needs

I know you told Steve you don't think you have Nice Guy Syndrome, but that sounds like it to a T.

Some people are not a good fit for each other. You say you didn't enjoy her company as she was--you wanted her to change and sacrifice to fulfill your needs. One of the more useful exercises a marriage counselor had me and my ex do was list down all the NEEDS we were asking our partners to fulfill. The MC's point was there shouldn't be so many! Have you now figured out how to satisfy most of your needs yourself, or are you struggling without a partner?

My needs were actually quite basic I feel and completely normal. I wanted to grow in intimacy with my spouse - emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Even Michele says in her book that a marriage without sexual intimacy is doomed.

Wanting sex is normal. Different women enjoy sex daily, weekly, or monthly. I'm hearing the frequency worked for you for 2.5yrs, you got married, then it dropped off. Immediately? What changed--i.e., your living situation, your expectations for her, or how often you took her out on a romantic date? Sex doesn't usually drop off after 2.5yrs without kids.

A starting point might be identifying and owning your mistakes. She owns her affair, but defining your wife as "unpleasable" puts the onus for the broken marriage. By this I don't mean a hand-waving, "Blame is usually 50/50" or "I didn't value what I had". Where did you go wrong? What have you been consistent doing differently since? This sort of introspection and self-improvement helps get back together and helps move on.

I mean, the only thing I can thing of is to approach her and apologize.. and ask what I need to change.. that to me feels like its more cheese-less tunnel

You have no idea what your role was in the marriage's demise?!

This is a standard question when dating.

Get a good IC and go to work on becoming the best Joshua you can be!

You didn't respond to Steve's point about an IC. Especially if you have no idea where you went wrong, an IC would be a great investment. You don't want to repeat what just happened with her or anyone else. (You don't want to ruminate ad infinitum, either. There's a balance to introspection vs. moving forward with your life.) Your story is almost entirely about her faults.