The divorce that won't end

[BL42]

kas99,

Ah crap I got to thinking last night that all my attorney did was send a final offer. If he doesn't take it then we go to court. For the record the settlement is fair and I've already been before the judge. If he goes to court I will get more because he's pissed the judge off.

It isn't over yet but at least he's showing some interest.

Sounds closer at least. Still crazy to me he left and is living w/OW but fighting tooth & nail not to finalize the D.

I'm over the financial injustice but I'm not over the OW. He didn't have to date at all she just fell into his lap at work. He never had to be single, never had to be alone. Not for one single day. 3 years later and they are still together.

I totally get this. Doesn't seem right the person who broke vows and blew up our lives just has another person fall into their lap and doesn't have to go through the trials and tribulations of finding someone else.

I'm over the financial injustice but I'm not over the OW.

I often think, though, that if one won the lottery after the WAS left, how much better we might feel about it?

Can't imagine a lottery windfall would hurt! LOL

It does to me! I think it's to do with this belief we have in Karma, consequences, whatever else we like to call it and our cognitive dissonance when it doesn't happen.

What I find interesting is, were you to grievously injure a person - even unintentionally, the civil courts expect you to pay heed to the damage you've done. Sums of money are paid to claimants to compensate for loss and suffering. The only exception in civil law here is divorce. There is no legal remedy for the loss and suffering inflicted like other civil cases involving damages. There isn't even an expectation on the WAS to apologise for any suffering they cause.

Marriages are a contract, but to be honest I'm not sure why we bother with them. If one of the partners in normal contractual arrangement breaks any part of a normal business agreement, they are usually held to account and made to pay in one way or another. This doesn't seem to apply to marriage contracts. I believe this is a consequence of no-fault divorces - which I am beginning to think aren't as marvellous as they first seemed.

I think that's why a lot of us resent the WAS (and APs) sometimes - particularly when it looks like they got away with detonating our lives (and those of our children) without a single shred of accountability.

Completely agree devvo! On the no-fault, I think the intentions are pure in that there were some people in legitimately bad situations not able to get one, but in the majority of cases these days it seems to just give the bad actor the easy/beneficial result. I suppose I'm biased at this point, but certainly seems there should be some civil consequences for the WAS/WS of the breaking the contract with the LBS.

I can totally relate Kas. It is difficult, at times, to watch your WAS seemingly experience no consequences for the pain they caused. In my case, it is going on four years and they are married now. Like your H, he did not spend one minute alone. He’s never had to sit with himself and reflect on the pain he caused and all of the ways he failed me and our children.

Like with devvo, also completely agree with DejaVu6. WAS/WS stepping right into a LTR seems to be a topic which resonates with a lot of folks here.

Hand in there KAS...hope you can soon get some relief and closure the D will bring.