Yeah, I too felt like my ex destroyed everything we had just as our youngest was almost done with high school and we could have really enjoyed more travel and adventures together. But what I try to remember is, despite how it ended and despite my ex's narcissism and issues, I got his best years and the best version of him. I probably got more good years than most people get out of their marriages. And I try to remember that when I think about how stupid he was to throw away what we had. And honestly, EVERY man I have dated since my divorce has appreciated me better than my ex did. Most have scratched their heads wondering what my ex was thinking when he left me.
But I have a nice house, bigger and newer than the house we had but in a less expensive neighborhood (we had lived in a very high income area with a lot of superficial people that I don't miss). Now I live in a more middle class, very quiet neighborhood which I like. My house is 2300 sf 4 bed 3 bath - more than I would need for myself, but I bought it knowing my elderly mom would come to live with me about a year after I moved in, (she died in 2019), and that I needed room for my three kids if they bounced home. So far one has lived with me several years, another one lived with me for several years and just moved out last spring, and the one who hasn't lived with me has a disabling medical condition that might affect his ability to fully support himself in the future, so it's always possible that he might need to move home at some point. None of them would live with my ex at this point.
Try to change your focus from what you're losing to what you're gaining - possibilities! And if you like the house and think you want to stay in this town and state, keep it - being able to rent that basement out should pay for your taxes and insurance, and you should still get $100,000 in the trade for his retirement, right?. (This assumes you don't have any retirement savings - why is it all in his accounts? Do you have a pension or other benefits?)
