I can totally relate Kas. It is difficult, at times, to watch your WAS seemingly experience no consequences for the pain they caused. In my case, it is going on four years and they are married now. Like your H, he did not spend one minute alone. He’s never had to sit with himself and reflect on the pain he caused and all of the ways he failed me and our children. She’s always been right there to reinforce his version of our life together (exaggerated and devoid of any personal responsibility for sure) and agree with all of his justifications for all the thousands of the lies and the gaslighting he did. Maybe his devotion to her is his way of trying to make up for his behaviour or maybe he is trying to convince other people he has changed. He says he has learned from his experiences and is trying to be a better person. I really don’t know what it is that he has learned and I’m not sure he could even say what it is if I asked him. In terms of him being a better person, I am skeptical. He is in the honeymoon phase right now which has been intensified due to her illness and him feeling like her hero. I think that is a very powerful feeling for someone who has failed everybody else in his life. Anyway…I don’t wish him ill will. I choose to concentrate on my own karma. He can worry about his.
Re: your H. Given what you have said about how he was in your marriage, would your really prefer that to being alone? Could you even imagine getting back together with him? If your answer is no, than that is all that really matters. Like Dawn said… it will get better with time. If you continue working on yourself, you will be amazed how quickly things can turn around and how different you will feel a year from now. (((HUGS)))
