Divorce and Acceptance part 5

[Pax_luv]

Yesterday’s Dictionary.com word of the day was ataraxia... a state of freedom from emotional disturbance and anxiety; tranquility.

I really don’t know if there’s a better feeling in the whole world than ataraxia.

It certainly doesn’t come easy though, right? In 2021, I felt so grateful to finally “get there.” My divorce was final-final in July, I landed on my feet financially which was the cause of so much severe stress the last 6 years.. I was happy, calm and at peace.

I knew I was in a good place and it actually brought fear for the moment(s) where I will be catapulted out of it. I remember specifically telling my boyfriend that I finally have some emotional relief... that I had a fear of experiencing emotional distress in the near future. I remember saying... I just don’t know that I have it in me to have grief any time soon.

Obviously grief is not avoidable... but here we are. My grandfather passed away last week, just shy of his 94th birthday. He certainly had a life well lived and I was always in awe of his value system. Gosh I wish I could be like him. While I’m so very grateful to have had him in my life for as long as i did, he was my buddy and a huge central character for our family. He was the patriarch. And I know him passing will change the landscape of our family.... for many reasons that I wont get into here. But it’s sad. I’m grieving. As death always does, it makes you reflect and examine if you are living in alignment with your values.

Sigh. It’s just sad. We’re all celebrating him the best way we know how. We’re getting through it by reflecting on just how loved and cherished he is and how lucky and blessed we are to have had him in our lives.

Ugh tough time. But this is the space I come to when I need to just let it out. Hugs.