Yes, focus on yourself. What have you always wanted to do or learn? Change up your hair or wardrobe? Take up a new sport or hobby?

My ex left when we were the exact same ages, 26 years together, approaching 50 is a real trigger for these guys, in your case aggravated by the deaths in his family - they start to think “is this all there is to life? Am I missing out on something? I could die tomorrow!”. That, combined with the thrill of cheating, convinces them they could be happier elsewhere.

That being said, I agree with the previous poster - this marriage is dead. You may forge a new relationship in the future, but the relationship you had is gone.

Pleading, clinging, waiting as his backup plan if it doesn’t work out with OW - these will not help you. Forging an exciting new life for yourself, being mysterious, forging ahead with the divorce, giving him a dose of reality - these might or might not make him think twice about his choices.

Do not try to “nice” him back in the divorce negotiations. It doesn’t work. Get your fair share.

Don’t store his things. (But copy all financial documents first). If he still has stuff in the garage or the closet, deposit it at the love nest. Let OW live with the clutter. WASs want to just waltz off into their new lives without dealing with any of the paperwork or the mess. Way too many people here have been stuck storing their WASs stuff for YEARS. He’s got his nice new love nest - let him and OW deal with the clutter there. Don’t wait for him to come get it - they take forever. Just pack it up and get it delivered.

And check over the finances carefully. If he’s been planning this for a while, he could have been squirreling money away - you’re entitled to half that money too.

Think back - if you take off your toes colored glasses, are there any suspicious events in the past that you glossed over? Things you were putting up with because you thought that was just part of the give and take in a marriage? Did he travel for work a lot over the years? His may have been a straightforward MLC triggered by aging, deaths in the family and opportunity - but it’s also possible that your “perfect” marriage wasn’t all you thought.

In my case, it eventually became clear that some of those “suspicious” things I explained away in past years likely were infidelities or at least flirtations. And I began to realize that my ex was actually a narcissist.

When my ex finally left (he had had an affair several years prior and I had DBd him back, thing were great for a few years, then he went back into MLC at 48) - I learned to play the drums! Since then I played in an amateur pop punk band for several years, and began playing percussion for my best friend who is a professional singer-songwriter. I’ve gone on several short tours with her, my regular job is steady, and although my income isn’t anything near his, I’m comfortable. I won’t be retiring early but I will be okay when I retire.

If your H sees you out there living your best life, having adventures, doing new things - he might become intrigued enough to turn back. But don’t put anything in your life on hold waiting for that. Dream big, grab hold of your life. I know this is so hard, but the sooner you get out of this hole the better you’ll feel. Don’t text him. If he texts you, let him know he’s making the biggest mistake of his life, that a woman that cheats WIRH him will also cheat ON him, and that he doesn’t get the luxury of keeping you as his friend while he’s sleeping with another woman - then stop responding.

If you’re not working, start training for a career. If you have a job, start planning for advancement if you need to. Don’t put anything on hold while you’re waiting on him.