The divorce that won't end

[AndrewP]

I'm over the financial injustice but I'm not over the OW. He didn't have to date at all she just fell into his lap at work. He never had to be single, never had to be alone. Not for one single day. 3 years later and they are still together.

What's stupid is I like being single. After 30 years of living with a grouch this is like a breath of fresh air. It's like my brain is stuck though and I can't get past it. Does that make sense??

One thing I said shortly after my divorce was "you never know you are living under a cloud until you walk in the sunshine". I spent 26 years walking on eggshells around my xW believing that I had a decent marriage. I'm 2 years older than you with the kids all thoroughly moved out and have also learned to really appreciate not having to worry about dealing with anyone else. But also miss having someone around to care for.

I had a lot of resentment at the beginning as well that my xW had OM from the beginning and never had to be alone. That changed though to a bit of karma thinking knowing that he would have to deal with her moods and anger at the world. They've stuck it out though - so good for them.

One thing that occurs to me and is based on my very minimal dating experience is that people often expect their new partner to be a replacement for their old one. And also, without the time on their own to learn and grow, I expect that they will stay that same person. Sure, there may be a bit of shine put on the turd for a while, but underneath it's all still the same. Or at least so I believe.

I think the phrase is "no matter where you go - there you are".

Marriages are a contract, but to be honest I'm not sure why we bother with them. If one of the partners in normal contractual arrangement breaks any part of a normal business agreement, they are usually held to account and made to pay in one way or another. This doesn't seem to apply to marriage contracts. I believe this is a consequence of no-fault divorces - which I am beginning to think aren't as marvellous as they first seemed.

Even though I ended up with the short end of the stick financially (from some points of view) in my divorce, I still think that no-fault divorces are a good idea. It reduces the drama and angst I am sure.

Looking at it from a contract law point of view (not a lawyer but have had to read a fair number of contracts), one thing that jumped out at me on my settlement agreement is how each clause is severable from the entire agreement. In most contracts this is not the case. Breach one clause and the whole contract is null and void. Not so - at least here - with separation agreements. Interesting that a marriage is a legal contract as well but the number of clauses are much fewer (cherish and be faithful) but that breach of the fidelity and cherish clauses are considered enough on their own to nullify the whole agreement - again - at least here. You can apply for a divorce here with no waiting period if you chose abuse or infidelity as the cause.

It's also interesting to me from a legal point of view how the separation agreement technically has nothing to do with the divorce. The courts expect you to have one but it's not actually a legal requirement to be divorced - at least here. So if I were to breach a clause in my separation agreement I'm not required to take my xW back