You have asked for folks to stop telling you of OW’s behaviours and such. That was correct. However, it sounds like it’s time to take it up a notch.
I’d not wait for the next incident to occur and then be forceful. No, be forceful now. Before the next time.
The best time to outline your wishes or boundaries is when those boundaries are not being attacked. When all involved are calm, clear, and logical. Clearly tell them what you want, and why you need it. And what you will do when they discard these wishes. The why, your mental and emotional health, is a valid and ample reason enough for folks to adhere to such a request.
Still, some will test the boundary. When it happens, tell them directly, and then leave. Hold them accountable, if they persist, they will be seeing far less of you methinks.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
It’s so hard when you know you still feel the feelings of deep love you had for a person but cannot reconcile it the person you see now. I know DnJ you will think I am probably rewriting the history of who he was.
Not at all. I think you are a strong and wise gal who knows her situation best.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
Knowing that I fell in love with a mirage is hard to admit
We all fall in love with the person we think they are. Our mind is what creates our reality, so it’s how we see them, how we define them, that’s the person/construct we love.
You have deep loving feelings for the guy he was, not who he became. The man you met and dated still lives in your memory and you still love him. I still love my W, who hasn’t been seen in quite a while. My memory of her is really all that’s left.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
It certainly has me worried about trusting my judgement when I do start dating again.
Do not hold yourself accountable for someone changing. You trusted your judgement based upon who they were at the time. You could not know they would have such a significant altering of themselves.
And you are wiser now. Signs and red flags will not be as easily ignored or explained away.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
