I have a question for you all. How do you handle friends and family that keep telling you things about the AP? As whack as my STBXH’s OW is, my friends and family still watch her social accounts and then when I see them, they keep bringing up posts/details/comments they find funny or outrageous. I’ve stressed I don’t want to know what is happening with her and reiterate I’ve stopped following or looking for my own health and wellbeing. I tell them I prefer to not know and focus on myself, but they are so entertained they can’t help but bring her and her weird posts up. The posts never include my STBXH directly (she is living the lie of a spiritual counselor/pastor and well…an affair with a married man doesn’t fit that image). In fact, I don’t think he is even aware of what stuff she posts online. But, then again, it shouldn’t matter. But how do you get family to stop bringing it up? It’s goes again with my feeling I get the emotional support in the way I need. I mean I say I really don’t want to know or hear about it. But they keep bringing up her whack activities regardless, sometimes in front of mutual friends where I feel less like I can be forceful in my response in front of them.
El
Hey Elbereth,
I'm so happy to hear about your upcoming trip! How exciting!!
I had this issue with my kids and mutual friends. I addressed it as it happened, gently "I'm still in the healing process and hearing about his life/OW/etc isn't helpful to my healing. Let's talk about us/the weather/the cost of cheese whiz" You get the idea. That worked for me. Some people still felt like I needed to know info on him/her whatever.
The best advice I have is to be honest.
The hope I can share is that it gets better. My youngest, S20, was talking about XH today and it didn't phase me one bit. It took time and healing for me to get here, but I can hear anything and don't feel anything.
I tried to remember that those 'friends' that shared things were basically saying "look what you avoided" or "look how much better off you are" or sometimes I felt like they were finally seeing what I had for so long. The mask slipped, he wasn't the persona he pretended to be. Good family man, man of God, his image was everything to him.
It will get better, but your healing is your responsibility and when you are hurt by words, you have every right to do what you need to do to protect your heart and mind.
big hugs xoxo
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
