I hope I am posting this in the right forum. From what I have been reading I think my H is in a MLC. I will try to condense the story My H & I were friends for 7 years before we started dating. We had (I thought) a wonderful life together, traveled, enjoyed hobbies with each other, always talked about our dreams for our future. What retirement would look like, etc.. He was my BFF. My family loved him, he was the favorite uncle and all around great man. Honest, loving, caring, full of integraty and treated me great. I always said he spoiled me and I was blessed to have such a great man. H was always concerned about planning for our retirement and making sure all of our fianaces are squared away and we are sitting nice to have a great life.
His Grandmother took ill in the spring of 2020 and passed in December 2020. When she had to go into assitt living, H said to me that she will never come home again. They were always very close, she was his rock and raised him for alot of his life. He was very close to her, said she was his person. She was a wonderful lady. He did not show much emotion when she passed. H & I had to clean out her home, which I think was harder on me than him. Also during this time, my FIL was losing his battle with cancer, and MIL is busy with all of the hospital visits around that. FIL passed away in July of 2021
And now, completed blindsided, NO ONE saw this coming, completely different person, Alien.
Husband started EA in November of 2020, turned PA in May 2021. Started acting off in May after coming home from a trip, and when I asked if something was wrong, he would just say he was busy at work and had alot on his mind. In June I had had enough of his withdrawing from me and everything felt off. I confronted him and he admitted to the A. Said he had not been happy for 5 years and the A just happened and it just snowballed out of controll. Said he felt broken and lost. Said our life and I were boring. We decided to work it out, at least thats what I thought. Everything out of the cheaters handbook, rewriting history, lying, stonewalling, gaslighting. Took A underground I have no idea how he keep it all straight.
He started drinking every day and alot, like passing out on the couch 4 nights a week, alot. Verbally and emotionally abusive, starting fights all the time. BD2 in August, I told him to leave or stop A. Had not given us a chance with A going. Agreed to stop A. Just took if farther underground. BD3 12/2. Said he tried getting connection back but could not. Never stopped A. Left our home and went straight to OW's and has been there since.
OW (48 years old)is also married and on her 3 A with my H, had moved away from her H in August to the new love pad. Found out that OW and H were making out in a bar weekend before he left me in front of all of H & I mutual friends, and not the first time it happened.
When we talk he does not say much, what he does say is confusing. I will admit I have done everything wrong, begged, pleaded, tryed to talk rationally, texting, calling etc. with him. For first 2 weeks when I asked him if he wanted a D he would say he did not know. A bit latter asked if he would come home and work on our R he said he would not be in it 100%. Never asked for a D. Said he had a A and fell in love and these things happen. Said he was going to get his own place, which turned into, OW and him see no reason for him to get his own place. Took OW on Vacation over New years for a week. OW & H have been running all over very publicly flaunting there R to all of our friends very publicly.
I filed D papers last week of December, and transfered half of our money into my account. When H got the papers, he asked me why did you file already..?? I told him that I did not want a D, I want our M, but I don't know what he is going to do with our assests and I am trying to protect what I can. He said he would not do anything with our money (vacation he took and did not tell me...). Court for temp order is end of March.
We text more than talk on the phone, 2 weeks ago I was texting him about some memories of our life and he said "yes we had a great life" we were having a good text dialoge. I sent him pictures of our 2 male cats and he said "I miss the boys" I told him I was thinging of going to my parents for a few days and asked if he would want to come over and feed them, and he said he would like that. A week later that changed, its like he discusses everything with the OW and she will not let him stop at the house, even though she has been to her H house 4 times since my H has moved in and I think she slept with her H 2 weeks ago.
I just had a trip to the ER last week and had text my H from the ER that I had to call 911 and was in the ER. The next morning he called me and I told what had happened. I was scared thought I was having a heart attack, turned out to be my gall bladder. He acted like it was no big deal, not any concern for me at all. We texted back and forth on Friday, until he went to bank to deposit a check and realized that I had transfered money, he called me and was very angry, I asked him to stop by and talk, but he could not. I text him later that I could come to where he was and he told me not to and his last text on Friday was "I just need peace and quiet" I did not text him anymore after that. On Monday morning I get a text from him asking how I was feeling, and ask me to let him know when I was having the surgery to remove my gall bladder. Appointment was today I did not text him to tell him when it is scheduled.
Anyway there is alot more, but this already got away from me. This is not my H, in the 27 years I have known him he has never acted like this heartless a**hole that is wearing his skin. He acts fine around his/our friends, and just tells them he hasn't been happy for 5, 4, 2 years and he fell in love. Has also told me that the OW is special, they have a special relationship, she has showed him a new way to live. She is such a nice person(vomit in my mouth seriously)
I want to stand for my M, but my hope is dwindling and I am feeling lost. I love my H, not the monster he is right now, but the man he was for 27 years. He does say he misses me and the cats, and our life, and that he still loves me. The only time I can talk or text him is when he is at work away from the OW.
Any help would be great, like I said , I know I have done everything wrong already..
