Create the life...

[Elbereth]

Thank you DejaVu6 and DnJ for the words of sympathy and encouragement. It helps to know that my experience is not unique, and it’s as you said, another great reason why this forum is so helpful for us going through these experiences. I do wish society was better in handling grief in all it’s forms.

So an interesting and exciting thing happened the other day. I like to think it was a gift from my best friend who passed away almost 20 years ago. The reason I think that is that the opportunity arrived on the anniversary of her passing. And it was because of someone else’s passing. Anyway, a dream international trip opportunity came my way. We are talking epic…one of those trips you don’t think you would ever have the opportunity to go on. It’s with a group that will also have others that I know (some well and some not so well). One of the single travelers passed away, so I was invited to share her spot on the tour, and to share the occupancy with her friend and travel mate. I went on a trip with this group over 10 years ago (its a ‘family and friends’ travel group), but I had dropped off the priority list after passing up many other trips since then (mostly due to my STBXH). So, I feel really blessed to have the opportunity to be included again and for something I can look forward to and be excited about. If all goes well and covid doesn’t interfere with travel, the trip will be in the fall.

I’m not trying to say I don’t have anything else to look forward too. I do…it’s just that with so much of my life in transition, it is hard to have anything concrete to be excited about. I am in limbo and most of my decisions are also in limbo. I am excited about the possibilities of my future, I just can’t see the details yet to actually be excited enough about it. I know the trip could get postponed, but unless the world stops, the trip will happen at some point…so it’s pretty solid. And the cost of this trip is less than what I would pay with another travel group…so that is also a bonus.

My STBXH was almost coming to town this week and I was not looking forward to it. I’ve not seen him since last fall and I’ve barely spoken to him outside of limited texts. So it was making me a bit anxious. It’s so hard when you know you still feel the feelings of deep love you had fora person but cannot reconcile it the person you see now. I know DnJ you will think I am probably rewriting the history of who he was, but the longer I am away from the relationship, the more I see that there were many signs along the way…I just made excuses and/or tolerated many of them. Unfortunately I fell in love with the man I met and dated, not the one who settled in and showed his true colors after a few years. Knowing that I fell in love with a mirage is hard to admit (even when I know I’m not alone in this). It certainly has me worried about trusting my judgement when I do start dating again. But there is time to work on that.

I have a question for you all. How do you handle friends and family that keep telling you things about the AP? As whack as my STBXH’s OW is, my friends and family still watch her social accounts and then when I see them, they keep bringing up posts/details/comments they find funny or outrageous. I’ve stressed I don’t want to know what is happening with her and reiterate I’ve stopped following or looking for my own health and wellbeing. I tell them I prefer to not know and focus on myself, but they are so entertained they can’t help but bring her and her weird posts up. The posts never include my STBXH directly (she is living the lie of a spiritual counselor/pastor and well…an affair with a married man doesn’t fit that image). In fact, I don’t think he is even aware of what stuff she posts online. But, then again, it shouldn’t matter. But how do you get family to stop bringing it up? It’s goes again with my feeling I get the emotional support in the way I need. I mean I say I really don’t want to know or hear about it. But they keep bringing up her whack activities regardless, sometimes in front of mutual friends where I feel less like I can be forceful in my response in front of them.

El