Fierce compassion, equanimity, integrity #3

[may22]

Cardi,

So good to hear from you and grateful for the update, even if spurred on by a difficult situation. FWIW I think you are handling this all so, so well. I love DnJ's idea of a door chain for your own safety. In/re the visitor while you were home-- I also am so impressed with how you handled it. I think it probably would have felt good in the moment to introduce yourself/play loud music/etc., but probably in the long run you're closer to your goal of getting him out the way you handled things.

For those who haven't followed Cardinal, she's definitely put in the work of really understanding herself and what she needs, and FWIW I have faith that she's making the right decisions for the right reasons, even though this current situation is so difficult. She can't kick out her H and this house is extremely beneficial for a whole bunch of reasons, including its affordability. She's researched moving out and staying in her current town or moving back to her hometown, and decided to stay the current path to keep her home. (At least, this was the last I recall.) Though I do wish wish wish he would GTFO and let her start her new life in peace. And maybe at some point she'll decide that her path is better sought by moving out herself. Cardinal, do you remember to keep checking in on yourself with all of this?

BL, I would be careful not to impose your own wishes and situation upon Cardinal. You may look back and wish you had acted differently, but what is right for you may not be right for Cardinal. She's put in the time and work to understand what she needs and wants, and as she wants to keep the house and not screw up the divorce proceedings, she cannot pack up his $hit and leave it outside. Her H is not functioning with a full set of marbles, either, so cannot be assumed to respond rationally to anything. What might feel like disrespect from where you sit might not matter a whit to C because she's not emotionally attached to him anymore. In general, in these situations it seems that the more you can remove your own emotion and ego from the situation and deal with it logically, the better off you are... and packing someone's stuff and leaving it on the porch is rarely driven exclusively by rational thought processes. In my situation, I feel the exact opposite as you-- I'm incredibly grateful to this board for helping me not respond out of emotion because I was very close to throwing my H's stuff out on the lawn, and if I had we would be in a very different place right now.

Cardi, you are amazing. Sending hugs and strength your way. What are you baking these days?

xoxo May