You are among friends here. We do understand and empathize. And we had similar interactions with friends and family.
Lots of well meaning folks just don’t know how to react or what to do. Having lived though it, having healed, having walked a mile, gives one a better purchase on which to provide support from.
Being widowed, the passing of a loved one, is a common experience. People see and learn various manners in which to support and heal from such. Divorce, affair, and such. Most people IRL do not heal well from. Nor do they speak of it. It is little wonder folks really do not have much understanding or ability to help and support.
All that compounds upon us, the LBS.
You are so very right feeling overwhelmed. My goodness, I was so overwhelmed and depressed for what seemed like such a long time. My dear El, you are doing fine. Perfectly normal to feel like you do. (((Hug)))
Its pretty standard the first volley in the negotiations to not be a very good settlement proposal.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
Things have been cordial, but I have a feeling he’s going to lose it when he realizes I’m not going to accept his proposed settlement.
Leave things with the lawyer. Get what your entitled to.
Yes, H is likely to not be too happy. Oh well. This is a business deal gone sideways. Stick to business.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
I have a house full of stuff that I need to go through so that I can downsize to a smaller place in a few months, I have to find a place to live in a few months that I can afford in a crazy expensive city, I either have to struggle in my current job or I need to update my portfolio, as well as put in a lot of energy to find a new one, I have to figure out my financial situation and go trough the D process, and I have to discover and come up with a new future that is different than the one I had planned on. And all of this without a partner, very few friends, and a family that isn’t really there for me. And, all during covid, where life is mostly unpredictable and shut down.
Whew. Lots on your plate.
Look to what you can control. Your thoughts, actions, and reactions. Your needs vs wants.
Covid is what it is. The divorce is going to go along at its speed. Friends and family are what they are.
You need to downsize. You can control that. Yay!
You can look for a new, and more reasonable priced place. Yay!
One bite at a time. One step in front of the other.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
I know I am depressed.
Good for you. A health indication you are processing and healing well.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
I also went off my anti-depressants.
Nice. I’m sure you are pleased with that.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
I’m trying to embrace the feelings and work through them.
Stop trying. (Do or do not, there is no try. )
The best way to “do”, is to let your feelings go. Trying is forceful, which reinforces that which you are working to get through.
Feel your feelings. Control you thoughts. Reinforce those positive thoughts and emotions, which will strengthen and craft your convictions and headings.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
I still feel numb-ish and mostly frozen.
Good. Perfectly normal. I know it doesn’t feel that way. Have faith, it is fine. (From someone who has walked the walked.)
Indifference will and does unwind.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
I know I need to do some IC, but I feel overwhelmed by searching for that right now too.
My own experience with IC was less than stellar. As I said, one who has walked a mile, healed from, walked through this bog, has invaluable perspective and hard earned wisdom. Find one who reaches you, if you decide to go that route.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
For now I’m trying to just take on what I think I can handle each day and do my best to take time for self care and for using what resources I currently have at my disposal.
Perfect!
This takes time. Walk the journey slowly.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
I have been going out with my best friend often as well as spending time with a new GF. I take time to enjoy TV shows I love, I go for long walks at a park nearby, and I’ve been working on taking better care of my health.
Love it. Well done.
Keep moving forward, one step at a time.
Originally Posted by Elbereth
creating my new life…
I love it. It is all within your control.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
)
