My Story P4...Acceptance of the MLC Madness

[BL42]

Eagle3,

A good boundary would be him not being able to come into bed and snuggle with you while he tells you he is going to pursue other women. That is actually, kind of disgusting he would do that. And I don’t think you wanted to allow that. You were scared not to in fear of driving him farther away. But you really have to think about boundaries and not allowing that to happen. A strong boundary for me would be if someone is treating me awfully they can’t cuddle with me in bed in the first place. Another boundary would be if they are in bed with me and begging to talk about being with another woman, I would say “leave now”

I want you to think about how YOU really feel when he does this absolutely disrespecting stuff and you allow. MLC is not an excuse for blatant disrespect . Think about why you are allowing to do these awful thing . Think about the reason why you don’t put up boundaries around these behaviors.

I’m going to put my money on fear. When I was a young women in my 20’s ( my ex left when I just had our baby at 27) I literally feel sick at all the behaviors I allowed purely due to fear. Fear of him leaving, fear of driving him away. Now at 41? I would shake grab the old me and shake the crap out of me and say “woman, there is no excuse in this world to allow someone to treat you that way” no midlife crisis, no alter ego. Whoever that person is in that moment should not treat you like .

Ginger's comment is 100% spot on. I was going to chop it up and make additional comments, but really just agree with the entire message. You should re-read it several times and really reflect on it.

I think it's common for most LBS to be nice and accommodating to despicable behaviors because we're fearful of a D and breaking up our family, but it's also common for us to look back and wish we had been stronger at the time. Similar to Ginger, my current self looks back to my just two years ago self and wishes I had stood up for myself been firmer and stronger during the affair and IHS. Your H cuddling with you to tell you he's planning to leave you for OW2 is abusive behavior; don't allow him to treat you like that.