One more note to say I think it helped that I was reading about fierce self-compassion last night and about saying no. Yet I am still picking apart all of the words I chose and wondering if I could have chosen better ones, if I could have seemed even calmer. That is not exactly fierce self-compassion. I am pleased that I said “This is not okay” rather than “you can’t….” I am also reminding myself that even if I said the perfect thing perfectly, objectively phrased, whatever that would be in this scenario, it wouldn’t matter. I would get the same reaction from him. Still working on getting sucked into trying to control for his reactions, I suppose, but I am more aware of that than I once was.
I’ve learned so much about myself through IC and reading and meditation and from this board and friends in the last few years, and I am grateful for all the growth that has come from this experience, grateful for a lot of things that at one point I couldn’t imagine being grateful for.
