I am not going to lie. Today is bad. Maybe because it is Saturday and although he is "in the basement", we are still in the same house and pass frequently. He has come into the room that I am in and spoken a few times. I am not angry or short, but I keep my answers to a minimum and carry on with the work that I am doing. I am working from home today, but it is a slow day that allows my mind to wonder. I am a talker. So, when my answers are short and to the point, I know that he feels like I am being a bitch. I have read so many threads on there that they are running together. I am trying to absorb everything. I have a list of abbreviations printed out and a list on how to detach printed out. I read this over and over again and it seems like something that is so far out of reach. I pray that I find the strength to move forward without having a complete nervous breakdown. I work in healthcare and had to go to the ER on 1/1 because I couldn't breath. I literally woke me from my sleep. I called my husband when I got some pretty scary blood work back and he told me "not to freak out, wait for the CT (this was before he asked for the divorce). He never showed up, I wound up having pneumonia and a plural effusion. Fast forward to 1/20, I had taken a couple of weeks off, went back to work on the 20th and knew that I still didn't feel right. Sharp stabbing pains.....long story short, I have a pulmonary embolism. I likely had it on the 1st but it was hidden by the pneumonia. When I asked him why he never went to the ER, explaining how scared I was, he told me that he felt that I was trying to manipulate him for attention. I think that is ONE of the most inhumane things someone has ever said to me. As a medical professional, I KNEW what the blood work implicated and I was literally scared for my life and at that current moment...didn't want to die alone. Do you all ever look at these threads (as an outsider) and just ask......"why do you want to continue down this path?"
