Verbally Abusive

[BL42]

(BL42), things that I am working on in my personal therapy are how to achieve happiness alone. How do I see myself, "happy". What aspects to do I need to focus on to find myself again.

That's great. Sounds like a perfect area for you to explore. You don't need anyone to be happy; you can become a happy person on your own and that will attract others to you.

Prior to covid, I played roller derby. This stopped us dead in its tracks and we have not been able to return to play since. Our goal is to have our first practice on 2/20/22. I am excited for that and have a HUGE network or people that are supportive (for me).

COVID has made socializing difficult. I hope your roller derby league can start back up. This is a perfect example of GAL. A physical and social activity in one. Personally I'd recommend exercise. Even if it's just walking a half hour a day. Get into a regular routine...nothing like ramping up the endorphins and getting in better shape improving your mental attitude and attractiveness.

They will always "side" with me and right now, that is not what I feel like I need.

I don't know...based on the words your H is using , some support from friends may be just what you need.

I need to figure this out, my way.

You can't "figure it out". It's not a logical proof in math. It's an emotional decision. And you do not have control of what your husband does. You have to make your life better and he either will or won't come back to the marriage.

I noticed today that he has started putting his direct deposit into HIS personal account and transferring money to our joint account.

Consult an attorney on this ASAP. Understand your financial rights. You don't need to discuss it would H. You should not pick a fight. But also don't comply with his desires just to not make him mad. Protect yourself financially. "Playing nice" and giving up finances you're entitled to won't save the marriage. Stand up for yourself.