Verbally Abusive

[BL42]

CathyC,

After reading some of your responses, I was almost excited to come home and begin trying my 180; My husband had other plans.

180s aren't something you can turn on & off on a dime. They require a sustained period of change. Don't expect you're just going to come home one night and try something different and that's going to change things...think long term.

Tonight, he wanted to talk about our divorce and equitable distribution. I listened, I had some counter offers in which he was completely offended and literally told me that his offer WAS THE offer and otherwise I could see him in court.

Listening is fine. But you don't need to counter. You don't want to get into a negotiation and/or argument. If you don't agree w/him offer then refer him to your attorney.

After coming to zero conclusion, tonight, I DID ask him if I would ever know WHY he had decided this was over.

This is a relationship talk/pressure which the book advises against. Try not to bring this up in the future. It won't help. You won't "convince" him and any reasons he tells you might just be excuses exaggerated or lies to justify his actions.

The ONLY thing that I was able to agree with him on was that I was chaser. When we got into heated arguments and he stepped away, if I was not finished or wanted to continue our convo, I followed him. I recognize that.

Good you're self-reflecting. If you agree this is an issue make it a 180 and don't chase.

I 100% get that every story has two sides, but I am still in shock. Stunned at the things that he said I did. These are the very things that I felt as though he did to me. We're at an impasse.

This is common. The WS/WAS will make the you and the relationship out to be monsters. Though remember you yourself described it as pretty bad.

I feel like I am back to square one of not having a clue as to what to do.

Stand up for yourself. Know you'll be alright no matter what happens. Go out, exercise, make friends, start a new hobby. Act happy (fake it until you make it). Focus on yourself and not him. Improve yourself and making your life happy without him. Accept you can't control his decision.

I am speechless, exhausted and cried out tonight.

It's very difficult. We've all been there. But you WILL get through it.

With the exception of working on me, what do I do. Just live my life as if he doesn't exist?

Live your life as you want to in a way that will make you happy and healthy and fulfilling. Don't focus on him or pursue him. That may get him thinking he'll lose you. If it doesn't, you'll be better for your efforts regardless.

I seriously want to crawl up into a ball and just be. This is supposed to be my person. My best friend. The person I grew old with. The fact that I am starring down the barrel of a third divorce is seriously more than I think I am capable of handling.

I (we) completely understand what you're going through. It's incredibly difficult. But you WILL be ok. You WILL get through this.