After reading some of your responses, I was almost excited to come home and begin trying my 180; My husband had other plans. Tonight, he wanted to talk about our divorce and equitable distribution. I listened, I had some counter offers in which he was completely offended and literally told me that his offer WAS THE offer and otherwise I could see him in court. I did manage to get him talked off of that ledge with money talks thrown around; since he IS the very one that wants to stay out of court. After coming to zero conclusion, tonight, I DID ask him if I would ever know WHY he had decided this was over. He said that it was because I never took responsibility for my own actions. I always deflected things toward him. I nagged him when he did things, etc........you get the picture. The ONLY thing that I was able to agree with him on was that I was chaser. When we got into heated arguments and he stepped away, if I was not finished or wanted to continue our convo, I followed him. I recognize that. BUT, the few times that I did not chase were those times when even the next day or two days or three days would pass and he would continue to tell me that "now is not a good time to talk", until I would finally drop the desire to finish the conversation. I 100% get that every story has two sides, but I am still in shock. Stunned at the things that he said I did. These are the very things that I felt as though he did to me. We're at an impasse. I see so many relatable stories in MWD's books, to where the couples are literally blaming each other for the same thing. I feel like I am back to square one of not having a clue as to what to do. He told me tonight that he had accepted that this is who I was and that was okay, but he wasn't going to live with it. I have literally sit her and racked my brain for 2 hours before typing this and tried to just rest and see examples or literally try to see where this was coming from. I totally understand that we ALL get in a rut, but I also know I have begged and pleaded for US to get help. When asked about that, he said it wouldn't work. He knew the situation and knew what to do and a therapist would have done nothing except make things worse for him. He said that therapy would have probably sent him over the edge and put him into an even darker place. I am speechless, exhausted and cried out tonight. As we still continue to live under the same roof. Him - resorted to the basement and me just here. With the exception of working on me, what do I do. Just live my life as if he doesn't exist? I seriously want to crawl up into a ball and just be. This is supposed to be my person. My best friend. The person I grew old with. The fact that I am starring down the barrel of a third divorce is seriously more than I think I am capable of handling.
