Believe me LH19, if there are two things that I'm 100% sure of it is: 1/ MLC exists, never thought 3 years ago I would say this but when you have somebody that close going through it, you know it is for real 2/ Alter ego G has been present in recent weeks
Originally Posted by LH19
This is typical of all WW spouses. They want a safe landing spot if everything goes south on them.
That's the truth. And once they see they gain the power again they push you away.
Originally Posted by LH19
Boundaries are only good when you have consequences.
Can you please clarify this?
Originally Posted by LH19
With time and space you will continue to see things more clearly. You seem like an awesome woman and deserve so much more. Be kind and patient with yourself.
Thank you. Being patient is something I learned the hard way over the past 3 years. And luckily I have always been kind to myself.
Originally Posted by BL42
What action you willing to / planning to take in response?
As I said, going back to her means no help or friendship from my side. He is on his own again then.
And venting again:
Today, before he left, MLC H and I had a walk. Talking is extremely difficult again. Everything I say is used against me.
He has been very clear, he thinks he has been working on himself for the past 3 to 4 weeks (he truly thinks this is the time it took him to heal), he is ready and can be happy again and start his new life. I however have drawn him back in 9 weeks ago, he thought because it was to help him but in fact I only did this for myself, because I wanted him back. Trying to explain my side of the story brings monster out.
The truth: I let him come back 9 weeks ago because he was completely rock bottom, my wall was high enough to deal with it although I always have been honest about the fact I'm still standing; we had 7 great weeks together whereby we reconnected big time (no reconcilliation). About 1.5 week ago unresolved issues from his past arised again which led to his return in the tunnel. He of course doesn't see it that way.
It's me who changed he says. Because he was starting to talk again about OW2 and him wanting her back made me angry because I'm not over him. I told him honestly that if he misses her he can always go back but then I'm not willing to be his friend. Therefore he finds me egocentric. I'm only prepared to be there for him when he is not with somebody else. I told him that if you have her, you don't need me to be there for you. He disagrees because I'm the only one who knows him that well and he needs me to be his friend. I told him again, sorry, I won't do that. I don't want anything to do with you and OW2, this is your life, not mine.
He then immedately said he wanted to sell the house, he never wants me back, blabla, so I said, sure, we will do this immediately. Luckily I'm prepared so will get the contract next week. Upon his return from his trip he can sign the contract and we can move forward.
LH, You said time and space is needed to see things more clearly. The past 3 years I have had already lots of time and space, and luckily I do know what I want, I don't have to think about that anymore. I simply want a happy, fulfilling life, this with or without him. If he gives up again, I simply move forward on my own as I did the past year, together with the children.
One week of peace and quiet now. Will be good for the both of us. I truly need this. Although I feel I'm strong I cried last night and this evening after he left. The words he said last week are still a burden and processing is needed.
Gaining some strength again to deal whatever comes on my path when he returns.
