Quote: So, are you saying that I might be the one who is afraid to make myself vulnerable? I don't get this.
No, that wasn't my drift. Your post that I initially replied to (the one about how she is a perfectionist, and that explains not wanting to ML due to feelings of inadequacy) was, I felt, an example of paying close attention to HER and analyzing HER issues, which is something that will not be of benefit to you. Then later on, I read that page, and it hit home. I recognized that this is exactly what I have been doing, and it made me remember your post, and that seemed to fit also. So I felt those two bullet points might be more helpful to you than my previous reply. That's all.
So I guess what I was saying (to myself as much as to you) was that it might be useful to examine what you "know" about your W's motives in relation to what that tells you about YOU. See if you could gain some self-insight that might help you see how you can move forward. Something like that. One of the suggestions in that chapter is to take something your W says that you think is wrong, and find a way that it makes sense. Like Scharch does in the book, when one partner says "I don't want sex", he says "Okay, this attitude always makes sense, let's see what kind of sense it makes."
