Cathy, wow. Those are some awful names that a husband should never call his wife. And this is why I said that you need to step back and decide what reconciliation looks like. So many LBSs are just willing to take the WAS back. Because we don't want D, or are afraid to be alone, or -fill in the blank-. Being deliberate about how you want MR2.0 to look is really the only real path to R, and if your WAH balks at that then you need to be willing to walkaway yourself. Just letting him waltz back into the MR will only prolong your agony. His behavior won't change, and you will just be delaying the inevitable.
As far as his plan for an easy-peezy D, this is typical WAS fog. My W was the same way. She wanted to get a job, get an apartment and get a D. She had this plan that I would keep the house, my daughter would remain in the house with me, but "sleep over" at her apartment. Several nights a week we would play house with her coming over to cook dinner, but sometimes she'd host at her apartment. And, of course, she'd have keys to the house to "help care for" our dogs and cat. I burst her bubble by saying we'd sell the house, decisions about the pets would need to be made. When she questioned where I would live I said I would move in with a good friend of mine for a while. She didn't like this at all, and it really made her question her "plan".
She also wanted a quicky, online D. Something that was not even possible in our state when you have children. I know you guys don't have kids, but his asks are already a red-flag. You should not agree to the uncontested divorce since there are already contentions. Like him getting his $30k back? What? That doesn't even make sense. So hold the line that you will be represented by a lawyer. He is free to do what he wants on his side. Lots of LBSs claim "I can't afford a lawyer" but my argument is always "you cannot afford to NOT have a lawyer". It is like having car trouble and saying you don't need a mechanic. Call in the professionals and do not feel bad about it!
Please read DejaVu's posts. She is right on the money. The goal for you is to be in a better place in 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, etc. You do that by focusing on moving forward with your own life....and leave your WAH alone to decide what he wants for his life. He has to decide that he WANTS to stay for there to be a chance to save the marriage. To quote a line from Shawshank Redemption, you face a decision: Get busy living or get busy dying. To meet the goal or being better off in the future you need to embrace the former and get busy!
Cathy, you can do this, and you will be okay no matter what. Just take it one day at a time and really embrace GAL, self-improving and working on emotional detachment.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
