Thanks for the replies. I had replied, but do not see it. To answer some questions, we had been together for 5 years before we got married. He traveled 3 hours every weekend before that. We do not have any children (neither of us), and as far as the trust issues, he knew about those from my other two marriages when we were dating. He also knew that one of my exes was obsessed with porn, so when I found that here, it did plant a seed or outlook of "here we go again". He is very computer savvy, so I knew that even if he did do it again, he would wipe it away so there was no trace in a browser history. I DO feel broken right now. As far as therapy, I continue to go. I made the appointment for us and he didn't show up. I continued to go without him. She is now "my" therapist and would refuse to see "us". He believes that therapist are the root of all evil and they are over paid to tell him how f____ up he truly is (those are his words; not mine). I am desperately seeking advise and comfort to know that I am not alone because some days, I REALLY feel that way. I have a good network, but many are mutual friends and I don't want to necessarily reach out or talk about it with them because I don't want them to feel like they are choosing sides. The friends I have talked to have all said get out now........but I feel like it is always easy for people to say that with no regard to what YOU want. I feel like I need to do the whole 180, but you guys are right..........I fear then that I WILL lose him for good because he will think, oh well, she doesn't care. I am exhausted. I have struggled with this failing marriage for several years seriously thought that I would be the one to ask for the divorce. I have several letters, where I do just that. But I wrote them and never followed through.
