Hello, CathyC. Wow--it sounds like your entire marriage has been filled with difficult times. I'm sorry you've been put into this position for your third marriage in a row. You'll find some supportive people here.
Starting point? The verbal abuse. It's damaging for your psyche and doesn't breed respect in your partner. I would work set boundaries around that. We have a whole thread on boundaries (which control you to protect you) vs. ultimatums (which is an attempt to control other people). Whatever you've done imperfectly, you don't deserve that treatment.
Originally Posted by CathyC
Anytime I bring up "us" or staying together, his answer is SOLID, that he is resolved on his decision and WE don't work.
I would drop relationship talks. The DB approach typically frowns upon them as unhelpful and your personal experience thus far also indicates they're not helping you. This is more "do no harm" than "help".
Q. What binds you to him? Did you have 5-10 great years to offset 5 bad years? Your story makes it sound as if it's mostly been bad times and he never tried to fix things.
Q. Regarding trust issues, where have you misbehaved? Telling him that you have trust issues is good communication, but doesn't absolve you of working on them.
Q. Porn - You say this triggered your trust issues. Why--had he made any promises or vows? Most people can't go 2.5yrs without sex without some form of relief??
