I was just asked for a divorce 2 weeks ago. Our marriage has been less than stellar for 5 of the 7 years. A quick run down:
My father died 11/7/14
We married 1/26/15
We bought a house 2/15/15
He moved 3 hours and started a new job, "here" on 4/7/15
His stepfather died 4/11/15 (unexpected)
His mother died 4/22/15 (battle with cancer)
His father died 9/2015
I saw him spiraling down a dark hole of depression, I begged him to talk to me, but he shut me out, I begged him to talk to a professional..........blah, blah, blah. For a couple of years, it was "okay", but the fusses became more frequent; it was almost like he was completely shutting out everyone in his life and he has become and IS, SO angry. He has never hit me. He would break his hand on a wall first, but in my constant pleas of get help, WE are not doing well, stop shutting me out, it has continued to get worse. We haven't slept in the same bed for 2.5 years and haven't had sex in about the same amount of time. We seemed okay until I tried to ask about our lack of communication. They were ALWAYS met with HUGE resistance. In the past 6 months to 1 year, the arguments have become so verbally abusive. He calls me really bad names, tells me that he has told me what needs to change (yet I don't know), says that I left him to wallow in the most difficult time of his life. He set up cameras in our bedroom, like he was spying on me thinking I was cheating and I found them and confronted him and he is gaslighting me into thinking I am in sane. He says that he loves me but WE don't work. This is my 3rd marriage. My first two husbands cheated and I could NOT let it go. This is his first marriage. I am 12 years older than him. I am 52, him, 40. I DO have trust issues, but that was known before and during our courtship and marriage. Normally, with him, I didn't go through his things. He was not like the other two....until I was printing some paper off of the computer and found porn. He admitted it and said it was a one time thing; but here are those trust issues again.
I am at a wall. I DO love him and want my marriage to work. BUT, I seriously don't know which of the techniques I even need to try. He has resorted to literally living in the basement. We speak, very civilly, when I go to the store, I buy the things that he wants, likes, needs. I cook dinner and we have had a few together. As long as conversation stays superficial, we are fine. Anytime I bring up "us" or staying together, his answer is SOLID, that he is resolved on his decision and WE don't work. I 100% believe there is NOT anyone else. He has made zero effort to pack or leave, but the living environment is causing me to walk on eggshells and wonder what is next. Someone please give me some path to go down. After reading Divorce Busting, The 7 steps and listening to "A Woman's Guide to Changing Her Man".............is seriously have NO clue what to do because I don't feel like WE fall into any criteria. He is 100% against therapy. I started therapy a few months ago. His view on therapist are they are overpaid, evil people who tell him what a "f____" up he really is. I am at a loss guys. I welcome any and all help :-)