Good morning,
Unfortunately I have to conclude that MLC H has completely taken the upper hand again these past days.

This week I noticed another change in his behavior. Much more depressed, much less actions to work on himself, very selfish. And that after 7 weeks of very slow, but steady improvement.

Friday we went for a long walk as usual and afterwards we had a drink. On the way back, MLC H started talking about OW2 again. That he misses her. That he would never go back to that country to live there as he hates it but that he had a good relationship with her and that he wants her back.
One problem, she lives there, he lives here, and he doesn't know if she still would have him, not after the way he treated her. The strange thing is that I’ve heard exact the same story with OW1 2 years ago. Now he says that the relationship with OW1 was very toxic, and that this is not to compare with the R he had with OW2.

I reacted firmly to this that if he wants to be with OW2 then he has to go and can no longer live under the same roof with me. Obviously controlling MLC H came up immediately. All I think about is myself and I've had him come back to the house just to frame him because I want him back. I couldn't stay calm at that moment and started shouting that I'm tired of him projecting everything onto me. That I'm there because he was completely lost and that I only wanted to be there for him.

The consequences, of course, were not to be foreseen. MLC H went completely over the top once back at home.

This lasted all evening, the children were also heavily involved in this. The psychological humiliation towards me was out of proportion. In fact, for the first time in my life, I wasn't comfortable with him. He's never been so out of his mind before. The next morning the same. He didn't stop, and I asked him to leave immediately.

Of course even more accusations that this was also his house and that I had no right to evict him. He left with a lot of show. Not even fifteen minutes later a phone call. When I didn't answer an immediate message asking if I could please pick up my phone, because he wanted to apologize. I eventually did this and in the afternoon agreed to talk to him.

I told him that the situation cannot continue like this, not with the children who are too much involved. He confirmed this but also said that he wanted to continue living in the house for the time being, since he has nowhere else to go but that we could start selling the house otherwise.

You know that I made a list of conditions for his return home 7 weeks ago. One was that as from then on he always had to be honest with me, no more lies and he said that this was the reason why he had said that about OW2, but that he did not understand that I reacted this way, that this was a sign of expectations and that he'd been clear about that that he couldn't give this to me, and that's why he's completely lost himself again. That he projects everything he feels himself onto me, and that he throws out the ugliest things, that this is stronger than himself.

I had then agreed with him that the children would go to his father that day, so that everyone could get some space, I myself also went away with a good friend, he could then go back home, calm down and be alone. The next day we were able to continue in peace then.

When I came home in the evening, MLC H was already in his bed. When I was just in it myself, he struck again with all its violence. 1 obvious, but unspoken reason: Me having fun with a male friend, he sitting there alone at home. I should have known. He brought it up several times the day before, with the children present. However, the kids know this person and know that this is purely a friend and no more. S14 even said dad is jealous because you go out with a male friend, don't give in and go have fun. You do enough for him.

I just kept quiet, stayed in my bed and didn't elaborate on it.
He finally, after coming into my room 4 times to scold me, gave up.

The next day again apologies and regret for what he has done.

This really does feel like a split personality, like Jekyll & Hyde, I can't put it any other way. The worst part is that he had those dark eyes again when he went on like this. The last few weeks he really had his own color again, but this weekend they were really completely dark again. Extremely freaky.

The rest of the day was normal yesterday. MLC H is gaining the upper hand at the moment and I'm not comfortable with it. Only yesterday evening G was there again. We were sitting in the couch and he saw I was exhausted. He came to me, apologized again and gave me a massage, I did the same afterwards, he fell asleep and I left him and went to bed.

It's times like this that I have a really hard time going through with this. Not for myself, but for the kids. They see and experience things that they should never experience at that age. My guilt begins to mount. What if they later blame me for letting their father go too far?

I would be better off starting the sale of the house. What if the situation doesn't improve, then I can leave immediately once I've collected half the money.