Thank you both for your advice, that makes sense to me. When I was on the phone with my h, and was going to share my needs with him, I just couldn't.
To provide more detail, I was talking to my ic about how I felt like my mood and well-being were contingent upon my communication with my h as well as how my son is doing (not in this order). With regards to my h, she suggested that I share with my h that it makes me happy when we talk and share parts of our lives with each other (he is abroad) and that I enjoy his moral support as I struggle with helping our son. She also suggested we set a time once a week to talk about the more serious stuff.
It is possible that, in my h's opinion, we are in a functioning relationship again. I know him and his family and this is how they function. There is a fight, which escalates (for instance divorce is mentioned), followed by silence and avoiding each other until one person approaches the other again. When interactions are resumed, the conflict is over. All of this takes place without ever talking about the problem and resolving it. I worry that this is what's happened with us.
