By the way, for all of those who think it’s great I am where I am with my ex and his wife, well, I still have triggers. Petty triggers.
Sorry G. Darn triggers.
Uncouple that irrational tie between event and trigger. You cannot control if they say “we” or not. You can control your thoughts, actions, and reactions; which in turn will influence your emotions; which together with your thoughts will influence your beliefs and convictions. Those deeply held core values that lead us and stir up such triggers.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
When he speaks of they vacation they are taking her on over spring break I get very upset. Heart rate and BP up again. 1) I can’t afford to take her anywhere like sand Diego where they are taking her 2) it’s just the 3 of them on a happy family trip and I’m sure everyone thinks that’s her daughter 3) I hate that I’m still alone and can’t do these things.
So. Some things never go away. This I think will never go away. And yes, you feel it much more when you don’t have a partner of your own . Having your own partner and your own “family” vacations definitely makes it much easier.
Why are you very upset?
The listed three points I suspect are not the deep cause.
1) Ok, you cannot afford to go to San Diego. Stop comparing. No need to.
2) Would you rather D had a unhappy trip? Or rather this was less family-like? I’m sure somewhere deep inside there is a little wee spot that would be ok if D didn’t want to go. And I’m also sure that a much larger spot would feel really bad if that were the case. Make inner peace with this wee spot.
And yes, D would probably appear and be assumed to be their daughter. Let it go. You cannot control that. Besides, remember, you are Mom! D knows that. And D loves you.
3) Hate. That is a passionate response. A thing like that can blind one to the blessing before them.
I empathize with your frustration. And with the feeling like this will never go away or change. G, all feelings are fleeting. They will flit away unless they are reinforced. And long term reinforcement comes from one’s beliefs; from deeply held convictions.
An example: You feel it much more when you don’t have a partner of your own.
Not accurate nor true. My XW has a partner and the torment she endures is horrible. The truth is, a partner is not a requisite of a happy life. That happiness comes from within.
Another: Having your own partner and your own “family” vacations definitely makes it much easier.
Nope. Your, imagination is leading you astray. It can be much easier or it can be much more difficult. The ease, peace, and joy again starts with what’s inside; not if there is a partner or a lavish family vacation.
The grass is greenest where one waters it.
If one nurtures imagined things, fertilizes events outside of their own life, their crop will be one which is not desired.
Look to your life and that which is within your control and influence. And nurture. Water it well. Peace and contentment will grow and flourish.
Find the deep cause of these triggers and stop watering. Let it wither.
Put your efforts and resources to much better use.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
