My Story P3...Acceptance of the MLC Madness

[DnJ]

Hello Eagle

I am glad to hear you and G are doing well. Busy. Yet well.

Your thread of the 13th of January in "A great Life," in other words your response to LH, is actually a perfect expression of how I feel about the whole situation today and how I'm dealing with it.

Yay!

It has now been 3 weeks since my last report and there are certain things that are now very noticeable. This is primarily due to a change in G's behavior, but of course also a great deal due to the fact that I have gained the upper hand in the whole process.

Yes, there comes a time when the power shifts back to the LBS. When the LBS gains the upper hand. Until now, it’s all been the MLCer and their reckless running that has held most of the power. Of course, that is somewhat an illusion. We only control ourselves.

Still, you do have the upper hand. Use that power wisely and very seldom. Equal and partnership is the goal. It’s a hard earned path for the LBS. And a journey of restraint shows much wisdom.

I'm doing really well. I have found a certain dynamic with G the last few weeks that I can relate to perfectly. We are building a friendship again and we do a lot of things together. For example, we go for a weekly walk and we have found a favorite cafe where we go afterwards to talk (sometimes 2 to 3 hours). We play a lot of cards, do sports or go shopping together, watch movies and series, make dinner together, etc.

That is wonderful!

Sometimes that involves a bit more as already mentioned in the past, but this doesn't happen often. For both this is sufficient, this does not have to be for me today. I myself have found that I am not ready for that either, even if he wanted to, which is also not the case.

Go nice and slow my dear friend. You are doing fine. Great actually.

I’m convinced he is in the last 3 phases currently, that is very clear now. You see a lot of depression in him, at times very withdrawn, then his alter egos are active from his past, but at many times simply the combination of the old and the new H.

That is why I like to put it this way.

- You have G, which is a combination of the old H and new H

- You have MLC H, his 5 year old, 17 year old or 40 year old him

However, you can see the phases in both personalities. And yes, the temptation is huge to stay comfortably in his fog, that much is clear. That is why the steps he is taking are going very, very slow.

I agree, G is within the last three stages.

You have a very good understanding of the crisis and G’s alter egos.

Let him lead his pace. The fog is clearing, no doubt about that.

And slow is the speed you are looking for. Nice and slow allows G to reflect, learn, grow, and not gloss over or skip something and then have to repeat it.

When MLC H comes up you can see that there is a strong awareness, he knows it, especially if you point out that he is going back.

That is a huge step of positive progress. Self awareness. Awareness of self. Incredible.

Just think and remember when H was quite incapable of such. I love seeing the healing that can happen. So blessed G is. And you my dear. (((Hug)))

Now the main thing I have learnt as an LBS is that you have to stay calm under all circumstances and just have to give them time. This helps enormously and works for me 99% of the time.

AMEN!

That is some might fine hard earned wisdom right there! Hey, any you newbies reading along listen up to what Eagle is telling you. She’s walked the walk. She’s the real deal!

Absolutely, the MLCer is on their journey. We cannot speed it up.

Time.

It takes time.

You used and are still using your gift of time very well Eagle. I’m proud of you.

We were away for a walk recently, just had some drinks in our favorite cafe and I said something about his behavior in a certain situation. He said casually, ‘OW2 always said this as well that I did this’. Normally this doesn't bother me much, and I just let this pass but this time it had touched me a bit (I guess the few wines I had were working on my feelings 😊) and there was a certain disappointment in my voice when I responded.

Wine and exploring feelings. You did very well to just have some disappointment in your voice, and not rip off his arm and beat him over the head with it.

Take it from me, guys lots of times just blurt stuff out. We are kind of dumb that way, or maybe it’s just being too straightforward. However, that level of blurting out requires an assurance of safety. A feeling of being safe enough to say such a stupid remark. Lol.

Of course MLCer H, one of G’s still being resolved alter egos, lashed out. Pure projection of feelings that he has towards his Mother and her treatment of him from long ago.

I firmly said that if he wanted to go, there is the door, and that I wouldn’t stop him from leaving, but also that I no longer wanted to have those relationship conversations with him. He immediately backed off, stopped the argument and agreed with me on the whole level.

Well done.

You can place a boundary on such argumentative talk from G, well MLCer H actually.

G knows and is aware enough to realize he crossed the line. Yet another good positive sign.

By the way, G is going to test those boundaries and your acceptance of him. And what he did. Even if his testing is mostly unrealized by him. He still needs the answer.

And what is the answer? Actually, it’s what is the question; which he is (unknowingly) asking himself? Does Eagle forgive me? Can she? Will she accept me, and what I’ve done? Then maybe I can therefore forgive and accept myself too.

It’s part of the process of healing. And piecing. And reconciling.

G is looking and listening. Be a stanchion, and a beacon.

Sorry if it's a bit boring but wanted to give as much information as possible.

Goodness no, it’s not boring. It’s rather exciting.

Have a great day.

D