G- I don't think you're being too picky. You might be passing over some guys who are too available, because chasing after the difficult or unavailable types feels more familiar to your childhood experiences. But you've worked really hard to be more picky - to take time to decide if a guy is right for YOU, rather than spending all your energy trying to convince difficult guys that you were right for THEM. You did a lot of hard work around this issue and you've made a lot of progress. You don't scare guys off by coming on too strong anymore. You look more carefully at who they are. All good things.
I was reading an article the other day about how hard it is making friends in adulthood. And while I don't remember everything it said, the gist was that the keys to making friends organically are continuous unplanned interaction and shared vulnerability.
Those things are easy to come by when you're young but less so as we get older. The psychologist quoted said: "Franco insists that while making friends later in life largely doesn't happen organically like it did back when you were in school, it's far from impossible.
They key, she tells WBUR, is not to rely on chance and instead to organize regularly scheduled group activities like a book club, rotating potluck, or biweekly Saturday hike. (Strangely, singing together has been scientifically shown to be a particularly effective way to cement friendships, so maybe search out a local choir if you're musical.)
Not only does this nudge the time-strapped to find time in their schedules for friends; it also shifts friendship from a one-to-one tie to a group endeavor, making it easier to sustain in the face of adulthood's inevitable stresses.
"Researchers also find that when we develop groups, our friendships are more sustainable than they are with individuals. Because there's multiple touch points now, right? Someone else in the group could reach out to all of us, and then we all keep in touch," Franco explains.
It's also essential to get over your initial shyness and actually ask for new people's contact information. This might make you feel awkward or vulnerable, but Franco reassures the reluctant that these conversations are likely to go much better than you fear. "We all have this tendency to think we're more likely to be rejected than we actually are," she says. "
Now - while this article (in Inc) was discussing friendships, I imagine the same would be true for romantic relationships. Maybe some of these strategies will become more available to you as the pandemic calms down.
