Rope dropping and grey rocks

[97Hope]

Another weekend off! S20 is here full-time now. He and his dad had another clash. Seems the GF and her 2 young sons stayed the night while he was there for NYE and S20 heard several new versions of the inception of their relationship.

I listened and validated. S20 decided to stand by his dad's side last year. I remember thinking how much it would hurt when the truth came out, because it always does.

I remember years ago, during his first bout of affairs, I experienced what a therapist told me was "trickle-truth". Exactly as it sounds. The lies are slowly exposed, painfully slow, in a trickle. One never knows where ground zero is, because when you think, "ok. i know it all now. I can live with this new revelation." a new small bomb goes off. I remember losing my mind over time because I didn't know right from left or up from down.

Looking back now, I am surprised at how much I endured. I don't regret giving him chance after chance. I don't regret doing everything I could to save a marriage. I'm thankful for the lessons learned. I am so grateful for the peace I have. Maybe it's because I can look back now, without any hurt, anger or resentment, and realize...there was absolutely NOTHING I could have done to change his behavior. I did everything possible to save the M.

My kids know that. My sons and their wives. I have a journey that helps me be credible when they come to me with difficult lives. I didn't do anything perfectly, and I can share that, appropriately, when they need to hear that, too.

Just sitting here in this quiet house, thanking God for getting me through. For putting the right people in my life. For giving me strength. For giving me a safe place for my hope.

For giving me this place and all of you who understand. I felt so alone when I joined. A trick of the mind, that.

I heard an interesting phrase yesterday that I have been considering.

"Let them."

If they want to go, let them
If they want to destroy themselves, let them
If they want to learn the hard way, let them
If they want to love you, let them


Still thinking about that and what it is, to me, is letting go. Of any expectation that I have a responsibility for other's lives. Responsible to them - of course. To be honest, loyal, trustworthy, and true. But not for them.

I will let them.

xo