tired

[lostlove]

So maybe he is having trouble seeing you as someone who NEEDS him...?

the only reason I don't NEED him is because he's never really been available to me and I've always had to either depend on myself or someone else.

Not that you have to put on a big false act, but are there ways that you can foster that attitude without totally violating your own integrity?

sure, but there are only certain times of the year that it would stand any chance of working as he's usually too busy to be my rescuer and often suggests I call on others.

Oh and I didn't mean to say that you aren't sweet...

sure you did! I was often described by my friends as at first comming off as a biatch but as you get to know me I'm really nice. I sure wouldn't want it the other way around.

Anyhoo, have you ever done any experiments with the sweet stuff and what were the results?

ow had an extremely monotone sickningly sweet voice (yes I was bad and talked to her on the phone) I used that voice on h and it seemed to bring him home. Problem is ya can't always been sweet and monotone in the real world..least I can't.

.you have probably already tried everything under the sun (I know I have) but there's gotta be a way and I am here to help you find it, my sister.

and the moon, and the stars, and the whatever the hell else is up there...

tonight I feel very much like I did before all this started.

h had an appointment at 5 that was supposed to get out at 6..said he'd call when he got out...called at 7 saying he got out at 6 and is now stuck in traffic.

I didn't answer the phone nor did I call him back nor will I. I couldn't help but think? why did you wait so long to call? why does this all sound like the same ole same ole?
how much longer will I waiste my energy at trying to have a r with him?
I think tonight after I put dd to bed, I'll shower read my book and go to sleep...trouble is h will already be asleep so it wont matter much.

LL