Anyhow, I had a good talk with my cousin last night. She asked the question I alluded to above, "what if she hadn't left and didn't change?", which really got me to thinking.
Yikes. In that world I would have seen my happiness continue to decrease. I would have felt more and more trapped. I think my self esteem would have continued to erode. And it would have gotten more and more expensive financially. I honestly think suicide has a larger idea could have entered the picture.
In her actions to end the marriage, even though I'm sad, I agree she did me a favor - maybe actually saved my life. I never would have left. And I don't think she ever would have changed. It would have gotten worse.
How many inappropriate relationships with other men was I willing to endure? How would have that impacted me?
I've become more of myself since she left. More confident in who I am. I've gotten to know myself a lot better. And I'm building of foundation of self that is healthier. I'm building stronger, fuller, better relationships with my kids and I can do crazy new things.
Like I can put Tupperware in the dishwasher, I can work out whenever I want, I can make whatever I want for dinner or go out to eat. I can clean up when I want to clean up or let things go when I want to let them go. I can let the kids stay up to watch shows if we're having fun. If I leave a burner on or forget to lock a door (sometimes I just leave them unlocked because) I never get yelled at, threatened, or scolded.
Its kind of nice.
Wow, this is really good perspective. As I said before, the LBS often forgets just how miserable they were before BD. BD happens and suddenly in the LBS' mind the WAS/WS is the greatest thing since sliced bread and if they leave and don't stay the earth will stop spinning.
But when you step back with perspective and look at things objectively, with the reflection that the passage of time gives, you can realize that things weren't working for the LBS pre-BD either. In most people's situations, BD could have occurred from either spouse. It just so happens most people that post here are the LBS. But they could have very easily, in most cases, been the WAS.
And it is okay to still be sad that it didn't work out while simultaneously feeling like she did you a favor.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
