I don't think I've ever responded to you but I felt I needed to tonight. I haven't read all of your thread, but enough to realize I have the same feelings you have been having.
My sitch is a bit different, but similar in some ways. My H is not home, but my H works tons of hours. My H has not tried to reconnect with me, but seems to think that by coming by the house once a week or so to do the family thing is enough.
Many improvements have been made, but right now I feel that I am backsliding big time in my DB efforts. I feel as you do, is this all there is? I have no intention of being the WAS. I have made it clear to my H that I will not be the one to end this mess first. I will not do his dirty work.
But is this all there ever will be with my H? I don't truly know. But I keep standing for this marriage whether my H wants me to or not.
I just want you to know I feel what you are feeling and I understand the questions you ask about what are lives should be. I wish I had some answers for you, or for myself for that matter.
Take care
JL
Life is not measured in the breaths we take, but in the moments that take our breath away...
