My MLC Wife story -- no kids

[DnJ]

Hello LC

Should I have just left well enough alone? Maybe.

Probably yes.

It is no surprise that her family did not know the real story. Did not know the sordid details. She spun her narrative very convincingly. Remember, she has to. She is driven to. And she has to convince herself most of all.

I get how knowing the real events, as you saw them, and watching her life just going along with friends and family all blissfully unaware of what transpired, is really aggravating.

She made an enemy of me when she violated me in our home, bringing this skank sociopath into our marital space while I was there, so I'm really not concerned with her wishes especially since I am doing nothing but telling the truth.

I hear you man. Totally get it.

Let it loose. Here! Right here! Vent away!

I spent months treating her with nothing but respect, validating her feelings, attempting to get to the bottom of the issues and she did nothing but lie to me and everyone.

Yep. She did.

You were/are the big and better person.

She gets to cheat and lie. That is her right. I get to tell people what happened, that is my right.

Well, not really.

I get to tell people what happened, that is my right choice.

It’s more a choice. And, I know you can choose better rather than bitter.

Like kml stated, blood vs water. This is her family. There are going to choose her. They are going to accept her. Sorry man, it hurts. I know.

Now it is quite likely that her family knows more than they are letting on. I mean really, do you think they’d want to wave around that particular dirty laundry? It’s pretty amazing what folks will ignore and pretend all is fine.

Anyhow, you’ve ensured they now know. If they choose to ignore or not follow up or not ask questions - so be it. Let it go.

I’m sure I’ve told you before, I will provide suggestion and advice to the best of my abilities and it will always be for you. Letting go, is for you.

It's amazing how a person can keep everything from EVERYBODY.

It only seems like everybody. Believe me, folks know. Have faith, truth will alway win out.

It's lonely being the only person who knows the truth.

If you consider your support network I’m sure you’ll find people who know the facts.


I empathize and understand. Christmas was more difficult than anticipated. And that probably stirred up your hurt, anger, sorrow, sad, etc. more than usual.

The path to acceptance has many twists and turns. And lots to learn to let go of.

Anger is one of the stages of grief. It’s perfectly normal to be angry. To feel angry.

Find ways to let that go. To work though those feelings. And in a healthy safe way. Not lashing out to her or her family or friends or a like. As BL was mentioning, process that anger and take the focus off her and her shenanigans.

Sweat it out. Run. Jog. Go to the gym. Dig the garden. Shovel snow. (Not sure your climate, probably got snow right now. ) Work that anger right out of you. Drain it with each drop of sweat.

Physical action influences thoughts and emotions and beliefs. And performing some physical activity - by the way it doesn’t have to be so extreme, just going for a walk is good too - uncouples the feeling from its triggering event.

If you feel sad or hurt or angry from say a certain thing. Even if you don’t quite realize what that thing is, is ok. When you start to feel that way, go do something more fun and take your focus off your feelings. Trust this, your subconscious will still be processing away. And by the way, it is your subconscious that needed to figure this out, and that happens best when your conscious mind is calm and not reinforcing certain ideas and feelings. As in, your focus is elsewhere.

A certain phrase is most true, answer will best reveal themselves when you are calm and still and at peace.

This is a person who was very well respected and honest-- it took me a long time to understand that I was dealing with a different person and had I not told her family, it would have likely taken them years.

It pretty incredible, the fragility of the mind. Isn’t it?

My XW was also a much respected and honest women. She tossed aside her four children, moved in with her OM, destroyed our 26 year marriage, all on Thanksgiving right after the meal. It’s was literally 3 hours from happy to h3ll.

The MLCer is a different person. And most folks have zero experience with mid life crisis. I never had any experience or knowledge of it. All I had was the Hollywood version. Guy feels old, gets young gal, gets red sports car. The ugly truth is so much more horrible and insidious. The torment and pain these lost souls endure, I’d not wish that upon anyone! Just imagine what pain it would take to do what they do. To run so.

You realize the depth of her suffering. Her mental anguish, torment, and just how far the cheese has slipped off the cracker. It took you a long time to see and accept. It’s going to take her family a long time. Longer actually. Aside from herself, you knew her best. It was most difficult for her to hide from you.

And, her family and friends were not as hurt as you. Her actions didn’t try to destroy them. You were her target. They do not know MLC. Most people do not. Heck, even those LBS who have been around such lost spouses even question MLC. It is simply that incredibly unbelievable - right until it isn’t.

Stay strong. You’re doing fine.

Focus back on to you, and keep moving forward.

D