WOS, It is so hard to believe that someone we love can lie to us over and over. Sometimes we find ourselves in denial or so hopeful that we are stuck in our relationship. Stagnant in our life - sabotaging our own happiness.
One of the best pieces of advice I was given was this. "When someone shows you their cards... believe them". I'm encouraging you to do so. He will most likely continue to lie so you need to protect yourself.. financially, emotionally. Dig deep WOS - take off your rose-colored glasses. See your spouse for who he is, and has been, and unless something drastically changes - who he will be.
You deserve respect. You deserve not just the apologies but the sincere intent to repair what was broken. These are not huge requests but the basic human needs for love and intimacy.
I know you said you move your boundaries for your son... but what are you teaching him by doing so? What is the point of showing grace and forgiveness... if we don't also show children accountability and the natural consequences of our actions.
You will get alot of support here. Our priority is your well being. So lets start by talking about what GAL activities you call do and what does taking care of you look like?
((WOS))
This is such a kind post, I apologize for the late reply. My son has really not been doing well and my marriage was not a priority for me. I'd rather have a different type of distraction though :-(.
With regards to GAL, I really enjoy my work. I'm lucky that I work in a field that I love. I also went to a show by myself last week and enjoyed that! Then, I'm in IC and attend weekly meditation and parent support groups. And there's coffee and walks, I like both.
Speaking of IC, my IC recommended that I be vulnerable with my h and attempt to get our communication going again. When talking to my h, I couldn't do it, didn't feel right. I have noticed slightly more effort from h.
Reflecting on your post Valeska19, I feel like I escaped relationship stagnation because my h and I have already been apart for so long (due to the distance). It's like this is a wake up call because his work assignment changed everything. Now we both get to chose if, when, and how to proceed.
Though I have heard an apology, I have not heard a sincere intent to repair. Initially, I wondered why you all cautioned me that this process would be long (especially since I saw some signs of improvement). Valeska19, your post made me realize that we are far removed from a sincere intent to change things for the better, so I think I now understand what you all mean. Hopefully, I can be content with baby steps for the time being. I have changed my own approach and communication (which, tbh, wasn't pretty either) and my h seems to appreciate this.
