Quote: If a person can't see the long term gratification that a lot of hard work will produce, they'll put in the minimum or sporadic effort and hope for long term effect.
so if a person admits to realizing that things are much better the next day after some time is spent together and still don't bother to keep it going by making the effort to spend time together often what's their excuse?
Quote: Because an extramarital relationship is no relationship at all. At least he figured that one out.
hey at least he took her out to luch or spend a few afternoons a week just hanging out with her (that is if infact he's being honest about it never being a pa in it's 2 1/2 year duration) wich is a lot more than I get. So it seems to me an extramarital relationship is more of a relationship than a marital one...hey he took her to her cancer treatments and yet let me his pregnant wife go for post due date stress tests and ultrasounds ALONE!
Quote: If your characterization of your H as a conflict avoider is correct, is there a way of working with that? Seems to me that the DB thing to do is to avoid conflict yourself. It also seems to me that this is what you've been doing. It looks like doing this has got you part way there, but you still want more.
sure it's gotten me to less arguments in the house but to be honest by simply playing his game of avoiding conflict I don't think it's bringing us closer infact it has only served to push us (well at least me) further apart.
Quote: Have you considered counceling for yourself?
I was in c myself during seperation and to be honest I think the c was a bit worried that h WOULD come home and nothing would change...he was right. I stopped going because I made the mistake of using that c with h when he finally decided to go with me after I myself called a d lawyer. We stopped going because even there h wasn't willing to face anything and wanted to pretend like life was just grand. If I even mentioned anything negative h would act totally surprised and give a where did this come from, or who have you been talking to, or is that your new word.
Quote:
The people on the BB are great, and I still believe in DB, but after awhile, all of the DB techniques seem to become more of the same.
and this m seems to be more of the same...aparently no lessons learned other than the lesson I learned that if I want to be at least somewhat happy I'd better just stiffle it and shut up, don't ask for anything, put on a happy face and be his damn cheerleader or else he'll go find someone else who will.
