Thanks for posting to me (with respect to what you - as a woman - want from your marriage).
I had mentioned all of the housework kinda stuff that I'm doing, and you said that what you REALLY want is:
Quote: I want qt and physical affection, throw in some words of affirmation and I'm happy. acts of service? well they're nice and I'll accept them for what they are but I don't need them same goes for gifts...it's more the thought and time that I desire.
Sounds pretty "normal" to me.
Unfortunately for me, my W will not accept physical affection or positive affirmation from me, so I'm left with doing the dishes.
If you're "just an insatiable basket case who doesn't live in reality," then I suppose I fall into the same category. If your H lacks the ability to have a truly intimate relationship, then I suppose the same can be said for my W - at least incapable of having an intimate relationship with me.
But FWIW, I don't believe it's either. I think it's a combination of stress and bad habits.
I know that my own reaction to excessive stress is to go into autopilot. I try to trudge through until the crisis passes. This would probably be a good way of dealing with life's stresses if it were the fact that there's just too damn much stress. There never seems to be a period of relief between crises. So I spent my marriage in crisis mode. It was habit forming.
At the same time, my W was dealing with the crises in her world. I honestly thought we were dealing with our crises – as individuals, and as a couple. But the fact of the matter is, we were both overwhelmed without even knowing it, and W was the first to notice. It wasn’t until a full blown depression “relieved” me of having to react to my own crises. Basically, my entire being said, “Enough!” and I could no longer react to the stress. I couldn’t do anything.
Your H – without even knowing it – is trying to prevent that from happening to him. He tried to “be there” for you when he came back, but the old stresses were still there, as were the same habitual responses to stress. Is he capable of an intimate relationship? I think he is. He just doesn’t know how to do it, or doesn’t think he can.
