I think most of it is mindset. I use the Edison's attitude on 10,000 attempts to invent the lightbulb. Every date that doesn't work out is I just eliminated another person not a match for LH.
I am glad you found the Sparkster on OLDing.
Also even though you would never do it again I am glad you don't discourage others from trying it.
LH says himself how it takes maybe 100 messages to get one response. That’s how you define success?
I dunno - if you went to a crowded nightclub with 100 women in it and you came out with a date, wouldn't you consider that a success?
And yes, as to the question of success - I consider myself a successful online dater even though I haven't remarried (and don't really want to). I had lovely dating relationships with 3 guys that didn't work out, but that I am still friends with, and had great sex with. They added to my life even though neither ended up being long term relationship material. I'm still good friends with one of the inappropriately young guys as well. I had a ?3-4 year relationship with Crazy ex-BF (who had his good points despite eventually going off the rails with his mental illness and leading a double life lol) and a 3 1/2 year relationship with CMM who, despite his issues, probably loved me better and more completely than anyone else I've ever been with. I've had companionship, good conversation, great sex, and in the case of crazy ex-BF, even got a few fixits done around the house . Plus I now have some really good lifelong male friendships. Just because I haven't had a long-term happy ever after with my perfect match, I have had love and sex and companionship with some lovely men. And that may just be enough.
LH says himself how it takes maybe 100 messages to get one response. That’s how you define success?
I dunno - if you went to a crowded nightclub with 100 women in it and you came out with a date, wouldn't you consider that a success?
And yes, as to the question of success - I consider myself a successful online dater even though I haven't remarried (and don't really want to). I had lovely dating relationships with 3 guys that didn't work out, but that I am still friends with, and had great sex with. They added to my life even though neither ended up being long term relationship material. I'm still good friends with one of the inappropriately young guys as well. I had a ?3-4 year relationship with Crazy ex-BF (who had his good points despite eventually going off the rails with his mental illness and leading a double life lol) and a 3 1/2 year relationship with CMM who, despite his issues, probably loved me better and more completely than anyone else I've ever been with. I've had companionship, good conversation, great sex, and in the case of crazy ex-BF, even got a few fixits done around the house . Plus I now have some really good lifelong male friendships. Just because I haven't had a long-term happy ever after with my perfect match, I have had love and sex and companionship with some lovely men. And that may just be enough.
the thing that no one's mentioning is age playing a factor. single people of a certain age are single for a multiplicity of reasons which add up to one thing: we're not young, fresh and without baggage.
I tried the online thing. It was a huge turnoff for me. I won't venture back. If I date at all it's going to be meeting someone organically in the wild, as it were ... I feel much safer taking my chances there, but diff strokes for diff folks ...
BF what was your issues with it.
1. so many creepy guys - they outnumbered the nice guys at least 30:1. I mean, from downright gross to inappropriate. Think about being in a nightclub. The worst of them are the guys who come up and won't go away, start grabbing, etc. or heaping verbal abuse when you aren't interested. The mildest of the offensive all were too pushy on the front end, implying a sexual overtone way too soon - like opening line or shortly thereafter. Gee, do they consider foreplay a resounding, "BRaaaace yerself Brigit" ????? Good grief! Just gross.
2. then there was the really creepy guy who kept trying to match me (this happened at least 4 times) by deleting and reposting his profile to try to game the weeding out process. I actually reported him because he was borderline stalkerish.
3. Just like IRL I am very picky. I weeded through so many profiles, but didn't find many who peaked my interest, so it seemed like a lot of effort for not a lot of return. I did go on a coffee date with one guy - he was nice, but I really didn't feel a spark and his crazy ex (with the permanent restraining order because of her violent tendencies/mental illness) was a total dealbreaker.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Last edited by job; 01/11/2202:42 PM. Reason: added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
. Plus I now have some really good lifelong male friendships. Just because I haven't had a long-term happy ever after with my perfect match, I have had love and sex and companionship with some lovely men. And that may just be enough.