I'm not sure I made my point correctly. Guess I was too wordy.
All I was trying to say was kinda in response to
Quote: I need solutions, answers, attainable goals, direction etc.
and
Quote: since I've stopped complaining to h about how his work takes up all his time and energy...h does nothing but complain about work. If it's not an employee or a peice of equiptment or a customer it's the weather...He just doesn't seem to be enjoying his business wich is pretty sad considering it is the biggest part of his life and takes him away from his family and friends.
What I was trying to say was that I think you've hit on one solution/answer yourself. By not complaining about how his work affects you, you've stopped adding to his frustration.
In the second quote, you were expressing sympathy for him. Not directly to him, but if you're feeling sympathy/empathy, I'm sure it shows.
I know you try to think positively, LL. But it appears to me that you are a little more successful lately, and he's responding (a little anyway).
Quote: I'm speaking of doing more around the house, since my W no longer wants to do anything with me. I used to be somewhat of a couch potato. Work Work work... Go home... flop on the couch... my h does now try to do more around the house..but that's not what I want..infact I often find it insulting as if he's saying (without saying) "you don't do enough look I have to clean up after working all day" what I want is some qt with him.
Ouch!
I need your help, LL (Huh? A man asking for directions? )
My W is a stay-at-home mom. The division of labour in our house was that I brought home the $$, handled the bills. W took care of the home front. That’s an oversimplification, but to make a long story short, that’s the way it was. I worked my butt off with my full time job and a two day plus weekends part timer. As I have admitted before, I could have done more. Apart from laziness (which I would never have admitted to at the time), I thought that if I started doing “her job”, she’d feel insulted. That by doing “her job” it would look like I had to clean up after working all day.
When W started distancing, I asked her what I could do to make her feel special. Her answer was, “housework.” This made no sense to my male-chauvinist-pea-brained mind. My sister explained to me that helping my W with the housework was an acknowledgement of the difficulty of her “job.”
So now, I wash dishes before I put my son to bed. In the morning, I do more dishes, sometimes throw in a load of laundry, maintain the pool, and head off to work.
And now she says I'm passive-agressive, and she doesn't need any help.
