I think I can relate somewhat to your H. most of the men on the bb with waw's or potential waw's can relate to my h...only thing is I wasn't the was h was.
I try not to complain about work, but at the same time, I want my W to know that work is no bed of roses. I understand that..heck I try to avoid and often appologize when there's utter caos going on around here..life is no bed of roses and no one should pretend it is or isn't.
She feels that I've neglected her - much the same way you feel neglected. I've tried very hard to do a 180 on that, and in the process, I've discovered that she was partially right. I could have done more. Obviously - since I'm doing more for her now. SEE?! it can be done!!
I'm speaking of doing more around the house, since my W no longer wants to do anything with me. I used to be somewhat of a couch potato. Work Work work... Go home... flop on the couch... my h does now try to do more around the house..but that's not what I want..infact I often find it insulting as if he's saying (without saying) "you don't do enough look I have to clean up after working all day" what I want is some qt with him.
Sounds like the profile of a workaholic, doesn't it? a yup!
Well, I still have to Work Work work... Go home... But now, instead of flop on the couch, I do dishes... clean up after the kids... and flop into bed. on a good day that is what my h does.
I'm not trying to blow my own horn, LL. My point is that I used to think that I didn't have the energy to do more to help. I was wrong. a man wrong? admitting it? surely I'm hearing things? oh, wait I'm on the bb that's why.
I would still be underestimating my capacities if my W hadn't blown me off. blowing h off doesn't change things...infact another part of the problem is he wont let me blow him off whenever I want to.
I’m not recommending you do the same, LL. On the contrary, I think your H’s complaints are probably a plea for sympathy. I can sympathise but where does it get us? You say you’ve stopped complaining about how his work takes up all his time and energy, so now he’s starting to feel a little more empathy from you.
There comes a time when a guy does stop enjoying his work. There comes a time when he realizes how much it takes him away from family and friends. But this realization doesn’t take away his responsibility to his work, and the conflict between these two things is difficult to deal with. it doesn't take much effort to give a little to the family on a REGULAR BASIS
The worst way to try to deal with this conflict is to complain to someone who will turn it back on you and tell you that it’s your fault, and that it’s affecting your family and friends.
A better way to deal with it is to vent your frustration to someone who cares about you, and empathizes with how it affects you. Maybe even someone who feels the same pressures – as a couple. Not as two individuals. Maybe someone who’s on your side.
D’ya think something might have changed to make him feel this way? honestly I think work has always been a source of frustration for him...I added to the frustration by being frustrated that it took so much out of him...now that I've succumbed and accepted he's a guy who works hard to provide and learned to bite my tounge when it comes to his lack of time and energy for us...he complains to me about it more.
