WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont10.)

[BL42]

Well, the date with the court has been set: 10am on 2/28/2022.

It's tough, but hopefully hopefully you'll find some relief with the D process officially completing.

I felt sad when I got that from my attorney, and maybe a little disbelief.

Completely understandable. It's a sad process & outcome. I remember, even after several months of strength, having a breakdown when reviewing the first formal settlement proposal as well as when I got word the D have officially processes. That, after those down moments, my strength began to build up again.

I let some people in my support network know.

Good! It's so important to have friends and family to lean on. My network has helped me tremendously.

I went back and reread the last two years worth of notes that I've made.

After nearly every interaction I had with my STBEx I would write down what happened for two reasons; 1) because she would late change the story, and 2) because I wanted to be able to recall the journey.

As I read everything, it was unbelievable how much of the blame I took for everything. It was also apparent that she is either unhinged or simply a manipulative lunatic. It was hard to comprehend all of the horrible things she said and did to me.

And that timeline didn't include the couple of year from the affair in 2016 through 11/2019.

So it needs to end. Its better for me. My life will be better.

Must've been insightful to read through the history, to validate your memories of her actions and see the progress you've made throughout the sitch.

BUT that doesn't change the impact to the kids. Holding my daughter as she cries herself to sleep on Christmas Eve, when she still believes in Santa was heart wrenching - and it doesn't matter if it will get better - it still was.

Once we process things ourselves the hardest part is helping the kids process it. I don't think I'll ever forget my then S4 looking out the window and crying saying "I just want to see my mommy on m other's day" (she wanted a weekend to "herself") or the 45 mins he broke down crying himself to sleep after soccer practice, or D3's meltdowns. It's so heartbreaking. Keep being the best dad you can be for them. That's all we can do.

I literally just had a parent teacher conference and I feel like my son is spiraling - getting his first F ever and I learned he isn't turning in homework. He basically is no longer doing school - the Ex will say it has nothing to do with the divorce, but his change lines up 100% with it.

Whether it's related to the D or not, and that's likely a factor, try to stay on top of his education and help him not. Not if STBXW will help/coordinate with that or not, but hopefully.

I feel like my daughter is at least letting it out and processing her emotions and her school and relationships are holding at a level. Today I felt that some of my concerns with my son were confirmed in that he's not showing any visible pain, but he's not doing well and I'm not sure he's even aware of the pain he's going through, I think he has disassociated from it.

He doesn't want to do counseling. We had him going but he wouldn't open up. I'm trying to spend time with him and be there for him, but this feels bigger. It makes me sad.

Good your daughter is letting out her emotions. Keep trying with your son as well. Maybe he will in time. Maybe if you keep him in IC he'll open up there in time. It's tough. Again, just keep being the best dad you can.

Hang in there, ScottB. We're all rooting for you and your kids.