Quote: ((((((((((((LL))))))))))))) His moods are about him, not you!
Nitaf
it would apear that way however he continously over the years has blamed me for all the negative in our relationship. It's amazing to me that when he first returned home after our seperation that he admitted to not being present in the relationship for some time of his own choice to invest himself fully in his business and felt bad about it realizing it was unfair etc. Now suddenly it is supposed to be ok that his main purpose in the relationship is to provide monotarily via investing 95% of his energies into his business and the other 5% into making our lawn look like a plush green carpet.
It is not that I don't appreciate the fact that he is a good provider and hard worker it is that I resent the arrogance he portrays whenever I ask for him to be more of a patner in the marriage.
It still baffles me how he was the one to take on a lover and walk away when all along he was the one who seemed to not be interested in a relationship that was much more than this is the girl on my arm that I provide for.
I'm tired of being made to feel like an unappreciative brat, I'm tired of being made to feel like I'm the nuerotic fool.
I find it rather odd that while I was away from h I felt good about myself, I felt smart, sexy, thin, funny, outgoing, alive, independant, likable etc..but it took only a few short days back home (from vacation) to again feel..ugly, dirty, boring, stupid, useless, controlled, unfeminie etc.
I know that h can't make me feel anything about myself..that only I can allow these feelings to foster or not but it does seem odd that I should feel better about myself when apart from h than with him.
and of course thoughts like that make me wonder again wtf was I not the one to leave?
