I've made a lot of progress over the last almost two years. Going from severely depressed and begging/clinging during BD/Affair/IHS desperate to keep my family together, to handling the eventual physical separation and divorce somewhat gracefully with ExW, to pivoting my focus on improving myself and striving as a single father.
I'm at a point now where I don't long for (or even wish) ExW to come back. In fact, I can't even imagine taking her back at this point (granted I can't see her wanting to either) because it would be a nearly impossible pill to swallow.
However, there is still part of me that is hurt and angry and would like to see her get some karma and comeuppance for the way she's treating me, our children, our family.
The truth is I do get some solace and satisfaction in hearing her standing with current employer is derailed, and there is a part of me that would like to notify her potential new employer of her actions and cause her more angst on the career front. The truth is I would love to hear hear things didn't work out with OM2, and part of me would even like to play a hand in that, say by sending him and his family my evidence of ExW's affair with OM1.
To me, loving detachment is getting to the point where I'm no longer reveling in her setbacks or imaging some revenge in my mind, but rather be un-invested in ExW's successes or failures and unemotionally responding to them. It's not giving any mind space or time of day to her outcomes, not getting worked up about certain triggers, and having more grace in treating ExW with greater compassion (in the limited interactions we have).
I do think I've made a lot of progress overall, but if I'm being honest with myself (and all of you) there's still some work to be done in this area.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Just remember, it’s best for your kids and for your financial bottom line if she succeeds. Karma will take care of her without you having to do a thing, anyway.
So this summer I had my 35th high school reunion WTF lol. My ex girlfriend from HS sister in law was there. We got to talking and she said my ex girlfriend is in a terrible marriage. She said she wished she would have ended up with me. She was the first to break my heart 34 years ago and hearing her say that gave me a little bit of satisfaction. Terrible right? It’s just human nature. Even the best of the best at forgiveness and detachment on here are lying if they tell you otherwise. You are doing fine and don’t need any contribution to screwing up her life. It will almost certainly happened on it’s own eventually.
BL, what you said about loving detachment is also what forgiveness looks like. People often ask what forgiveness looks like . That’s it. That’s a really emotional Mature response to loving detachment and for what you hope to achieve.
She was the first to break my heart 34 years ago and hearing her say that gave me a little bit of satisfaction. Terrible right? It’s just human nature. Even the best of the best at forgiveness and detachment on here are lying if they tell you otherwise.
LH19, that's your truth, but the rest of us can have different truths without being liars. I am happy my first girlfriend got married and is well. IMHO, more forgiveness is healthy for someone you see and interact with, less for someone you do not. For a XGF you no longer interact with, I don't think your level of forgiveness is wrong, any more than my level of forgiveness is wrong for an XGF I do continue to interact with (but have lost touch with on and off over the years).
I do think BL42 is doing exceptionally well on the path of forgiveness. I was not as far along as he two years in. He's also noting where hurt feelings cause him to want to do things which wouldn't benefit him or his family, and acknowledging that.
Nope, not anymore. It would be more devastating for my daughter, so no. I really don’t know how I would feel if my child wasn’t involved.
Would I get satisfaction finding out my high school boyfriend was in a terrible marriage? God no. 34 years later and you have satisfaction that she is in a terrible marriage? Talk about not letting things go
First of all the majority of long term marriages are terrible. Second of all I may have exaggerated a little. I really didn’t feel anything. Third of all I’m a Scorpio lol.
