truth be told I don't know that I will ever recover from what h did. See he didn't just have an a and leave me he disrupted the family we (or I) was creating. DD was a mere 3 months old when I discovered the a and h moved out just before sons 3rd birthday. I thought I was doing all the right things by making a happy little home, cooking good healthy meals and keeping the house clean and the kids happy all I was asking was to spend a little time with my husband or heck just to have him spend a little time with the kids and I.
My world was torn apart and I was set a drift. I lost the connection I had with my son, yes in part as a result of having a second child but mostly as a result of dealing with the shock of his father refusing to take 5 minutes to spend with us when we'd stop by his shop only to learn that he was happily making time to spend with someone elses wife.
I know that not all of my displeasure with my life lies in the hands of my husband but I do know that I was much happier and more accepting of "the way things are" before I learned that he was a lying sneaking cheating bastard.
Now I am to accept "the way things are" else be called a "high maintenance" woman who should just get over it and/or leave.
I'm tired of feeling ashamed for what my h has done to this marriage. I'm tired of knowing the deep reasons why son acts the way he does at times but not being able to express it to all the other friggen stepford families I'm surrounded by out here in rural suburbia (not a total suburban town and yet not completely rural either)
I don't expect most to understand my feelings and I accept that most consider me to be a little pain in the ass who should just be happy that her h did come home..but I ask people to not cast stones until they've walked a mile or heck a foot in my shoes.
It isn't easy to feel so alone and know that part of the time you were feeling alone in raising a young family the person you wished would spend time with you was off spending time with someone elses lonely wife.
I try to be happy and thankful for what I've got..I'm not seeking perfection but something tells me things can and should be a lot better around here and it's not me.
If I knew what I had been doing wrong it would make some sense but even h himself tells me it wasn't me. That's assuring but doesn't offer me a whole lot of comfort..it actually puts me in a rather akward position.
It was easier for me to be a mother when h was gone because h spent his time with the kids during his visits and I spent my time with them when he wasn't around. Now suddenly it's all back to me and I can't help but feel resentment and saddness when I take son and dd off to go fishing and am surrounded by all the other kids fishing with their dads.
I don't know why h was able to make the time for the kids then but can't seem to do it now and if I dare question it I am an insatiable high maintanence woman who no matter what her h does it's just not enough.
H even did more for me when he wasn't here.
maybe this bb just isn't the place for me anymore your issues are different.
