He will cycle as he searches and progresses towards healed. This is a good thing. Remember back when he didn’t vacillate? When he was absolutely sure of his view of the world and the assuredness of his actions? He is questioning his own self. He is rewriting/restoring/returning to truth, his rewritten narrative.D
Yesterday G came into my bedroom again. He wanted to talk. He thought the dynamics between us had faded the last days and thought it was because of my expectations. I told him that this was not the case at all but that I wanted to put some limits on our intimacy as agreed a few days ago. Why? From my side the intimacy is from a loving spectrum but it is purely physical from his side. (he confirmed this twice already) He thought that I could see this from a physical side as well. I said I'm not like that, not with you.
He then told me things that made sense and also didn't make any sense, such as the fact that he is again thinking about seeking help for his addictions and problems, about the fact that he loves me but that we have to let go of each other, that he can never love me the same way he used to. That I have to let a new man into my life. That he is currently limbo and that I am now putting my life on hold for him and that's not what he wants for me.
A little later he said that he feels that he is growing back more towards the children but also towards me and that this is very confusing. He didn't think this would happen.
Furthermore, that he can not/will not be able to buy the house. He does not want to do this for me or the children because this is the house where all the sh*t happened and therefore would be better to sell.
He then initiated to be intimate again but I kindly refused and said it would be better to have a good sleep now and we would see what happens in the coming days.
As you can read 3 different views on things in a conversation of 15 minutes!
He also wants to completely change tack, done with being the big man with the big car and the big money, which makes him look better than he actually is. He is done with that because it only made him less happy.
I listen but he constantly asks for my opinion and then it is difficult to give the right answers because he is still very sensitive and fragile in certain areas.
What is f.e. a good answer when he tells me to move on with my life. Do I say, you are right and I am also looking for a new place to live in as we agreed, or do I say that I still stand for us, that I still love him but can continue without him perfectly?
Definitely not an easy track at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I'm seeing so much progress within him which is good but he still keeps pushing me away and yet is coming closer in so many ways. This makes it extremely confusing.
