Hope you all had a nice Christmas surrounded by the people you love!
I just had a very lazy morning, on the couch, with a good movie. At least G was there again. (last days XH was present)
LH, thank you for sharing your opinion. On your part, I understand why you don't believe in MLC and I fully understand that. I would have had exactly the same reaction in the past, partly because I am a very realistic person. But after what I have experienced in the last 5 years, the many articles I have read about this, consulting different psychologists, I can only conclude that I believe 100% in MLC.
You are correct to say that I can’t do anything to stop him from taking this journey. This is something he, and he alone, must get through.
I only decided to reach out my hand at a time when it went completely wrong for him. I do not agree with the fact that he is cake-eating. I decided to be there for him and I agreed with everything that has happened between us lately.
He destroyed his family at some point, that's true, and he only owes it to himself, he has to live with that, who am I to make him feel that pain and struggle even more, what kind of person would I be if this would make me feel better. I’m sorry, I really can’t do this.
But again, I fully understand your reaction, it's just something I don't stand for. It makes me stronger to deal with it the way I do today.
DnJ, thank you for your unlimited support, and Kml, thanks again for your honest advice.
Both of you are certainly not wrong. This has already become clear in recent weeks.
Obviously I didn't have S with him before seeing his test results. He had a blood test done about 2 months ago when he was in the country, and then asked the doctor to check for STDS as well. Apparently he was already afraid of this as he has shared the bed with more than 2 OWs in the last 3 years. He has told me everything the past weeks.
G struggles a lot with himself. Realizing how much he has destroyed, he lately retreats to XH again.
Before last week G was talking about getting admitted for his addictions, last week he wanted to try and solve it on his own again.
Drinking has increased enormously in the last week, his addictions are coming up one by one in full force. As I said there is a realization that he has an alcohol problem, an anger problem and severe separation anxiety, but now it has also become clear in recent days that he has developed a sex addiction as well, and I'm convinced he wasn't aware of that until I told him. Where the intimacy between us at first was loving and tender, in recent days this turned more and more into a lust that I have never seen within him. He simply could not stop anymore so I had to end this at once as it is impossible for me to go along with this.
At one point it was so bad that several days ago I told him the truth about his addictions (also the S addiction) and that I decided to take a step back and just want to build a friendship with him for the time being. He has a very hard time with this and has been his 16-year-old self again.
However, I stand by my decision. I don’t put pressure in any way, I only set clear boundaries again. There are limits he must respect (for my well-being) and he must grow up now.
He has been realizing so much the past two months that I truly believe there is no way back for him. It is up to him now to face his demons and to move forward, if not, it will up to him but I don’t stand for the addicted person. With this person I do not want to reconcile.
This morning G was there again. I’m convinced he needed a few days to process.
I guess G and XH will be active again in the coming days.
Have to go now, up to my parents for a Christmas meal. They invited G as well.
