Quote: yes, I then did say a few things I shouldn't have but wtf?
You mean you said them to h? or to someone else? We may come back to this later said to h and trust me it was nothing severe.
Quote: when I called home from the ship h was distant and sounded like he was talking to a stranger. When he picked me up at mothers house yesterday he greeted mom with a kiss, moms bf with a kiss and then me with a distant kiss less friendly than that he just given my mother. We returned home I handed out the gifts I had purchased for the kids, h, mil, grand mil and fil...h then sat at the puter for a long while...mil and grand mil decided it time to leave so I set out about straightening up the house, putting laundry away etc. H came up to do I don't know what and as I was on my way down the stairs called from the bedroom saying "hey, come in here" I just kept walking but then returned...he gave me a real kiss but then the kids started making a ruccuss so I turned and walked back down stairs..h then put on his boots and spent the next 4 hours mowing the lawn (and later admitted that was a screw you I'll just go cut the lawn type of thing) he didn't get back into the house until I was already giving dd a bath.
OK...so he was mad still...were you? if I was mad I wouldn't have bothered to call him and then it sounds like a lot (a lot!) of catching up with lots of people...no surprising but doesn't give a lot of catch up time with just h, I suppose. nobody to catch up with but h and the kids.
Quote: h was aparently expecting an appology from me for mothers day and refuses to see how he may need to offer up apologies himself for making such a fuss and ruining the short mothers day I had with the kids.
OK...do you feel as though you need to apologize? no If so, did you? no and I don't plan on it. I kind of got the sense form the above that you might be holding out for an apology from him first ... true? I'm not looking for an apology, I'm looking to be treated as a wife not as a "wife"
Quote: h shouldn't have come home as he hasn't bothered to change anything (other than getting rid of ow) and aparently expects me to do all the changing.
Well..there HAVE been periods of pretty positive changes, no? a day or two here and there The question (IMHO) is what happens to make those changes not sustainable... damned if I know...seems to me it's him and I'm tired of trying to figure it all out.
Quote: The things h said last night simply verify the way I feel...h talks about me not respecting him? what a crock of bs. He is living in the wrong era...or perhaps with someone of the wrong ethnicity..I am not his mother or his grandmother and I do not believe all that a h need do is provide monitarily and a womans job is to cook and clean and make life comfortable for him.
OK...list for me some ACTIONS that you think h means when he says "respect". keep the house clean. don't ask for more from him. be happy with the fact that he provides for his family. keep my mouth shut etc.
IOW...be really honest...what would h expect to be different in your actions? to be a happy dumb little drone who goes about her business and is just thrilled to death with the fact that she can live in a nice house and take a vacation here and there and is just fine and dandy with not having an intimate (emotional or physical or heck even friend) relationship with her h.
Quote: honestly if he were to leave tommorow I'd probably breathe a sigh of relief. I'd ache for my children but not for myself...I've tried for so damn long that I'm dying inside.
said to h and trust me it was nothing severe. 
